So Lance is Red Bulling It.. Get Over It.

So what IS with all the Lance Armstrong hate going on??

So he admitted he used "performance enhancing drugs".. Uh hello?? My wife does that every morning. Caffeine is "performance enhancing", no? As is creatine, Gatorade, ephedrine, aspirin, Vitamin D, and other so-called "supplements". You've got 13 year-olds "Red Bulling it" 3-4 times a day, just to stay the fuck awake in math class, and we're worried about guys wearing tight pants riding bikes??...

Oh wait, Lance "LIED". He cheated. Well, your banker and your real estate guy lies to you every time you walk in the fucking door. Your President lies every fucking day and you dickheads re-elect him as King.. Why is this so shocking?? Everybody and their dog knew Lance was doping before but NOW, suddenly he's a fucking dick.

But this is different. These guys are our sports idols, our 'heroes' here. They were engaging in illegal activities and are supposed to be "role models" for our impressionable youth....

Well, my young and naive ham n' egger, I'm gonna let you in on something...  the NFL has linebackers that are over 300lbs... at 18 YEARS OLD!! Do you really think that shit is natural?? Yeah, kids get to be 300lbs- ripped, by eating organic apples and tofu, right? The Edmonton Oilers were doing lines of blow off Janet Jones' tits at Glenn Anderson pool parties in between winning Stanley Cups in the 80's! But, no problem having our kids immortalize them and putting their names up in the rafters forever... Didn't Mark fucking Messier miss out on going to Nagano for the Olympics because Wayne Gretzky couldn't get him to put down the crack pipe for two minutes?? But let's name a city street after him??

NEWS FLASH: Lance is not the first cyclist to dope. Fuck no, all those degenerates were doping.  Level playing field. He was just the only 7X winner to get caught though.

Well,  Lance is still the 7X champion in my eyes.

You think it's that fucking easy to win the Tour?? Just stick a needle in your ass and suddenly you're hitting baseballs out of the park, winning Tour de Frances, punching mustaches off your competition while pushing old people down idle elevator shafts?? Arnold Schwarzenegger and Franco Columbu would have 50 titles each. That fat fucker with all the zits on his back at the gym telling you could use a few pounds selling you those dime bags of D-Ball, would be getting sponsored by the USPS to ride bike if that's all it took!

Long live Armstrong's mantra to WIN by using whatever means possible!! You fucking losers just don't get it, crying foul like whiny little bitches...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning you should get jacked up on the sauce to get ahead at the office... All I'm just saying is if you are so fascinated by the Lance Armstrong story that it consumes you with hate and anger, perhaps your life and priorities need a serious makeover.

Perhaps it's just me. I trade stocks. As traders, we're used to getting lied to; whether it's the MMs, hedgies, mutual fund guys, or bankers... you get accustomed to being punched in the face every fucking day by just about every fucking thing for the fucking sake of making a few extra fucking dollars...

Apologies for the rant.. Can you tell US markets are closed today for MLK Day?

You can blow your load in Canadian funds today...

Good Morning.

Manti Te'o and the Idiocy That is AAPL...

I was just sent a personal message that I needed to refocus and give thought on the Manti Te'o fake girlfriend scam.

Well, while I am reluctant to offer any strong opinions lately, I really do need to address a few things here.

Firstly, I must apologize for my recent behavior over the internets lately as I've been consumed by my very own personal fucking financial crisis, fixated, almost haunted, by the idiocy that is AAPL.

I’m getting tossed into lit fireplaces, while sitting in shit soup, with six figure losses, down more than 30% since my all time cocaine highs in September, led lower by everything you could impossibly imagine. Fiscal cliffs, tax selling, demand shortages, supply problems, management issues, options manipulation, increased competition, Foxconn factory workers on strike, Japanese Yens being grape raped,, FED printing presses... you name it, I got fucked by it...

Miraculously, among the black smoke and chards of metal, I am lucky to be still alive to talk about it, but it really doesn’t matter.

The sick, perverted, stock Gods have decided to curse me with a thousand Enrons... one day I'm witnessing Apple Stores selling out of every fucking thing in sight, set to animalistically do glorious lines of blow off escorts; the next, guillotines are stationed in the town square, chopping male anatomy at a furious rate and I find myself next in fucking queue... Consequently it means the cocaine ship to hedonism is sinking and down with it goes all the fucktards, such as myself, who are long AAPL.

Gone are the days of yesterday, when the mocking of asshats with big gay giant screened Samsung phones for being “stupid fucking retards” was fashionable. Today they are the ones celebrating, decked out in their finest clown costumes and Galaxy Note 2's holstered to their hips, dining on the rotting carcasses of overzealous AAPL shareholders.

Anyways, at first glance this fake dead girlfriend fiasco, I thought, 'oh no, Manti Te'o is just another victim of the Interwebs, 'thinking it was a real girl but it's actually a group of hilarious 7th grade boys fucking with him.' Shit like this has been happening since the days of AOL chat rooms. Te'o isn't a liar, he's just a fucking idiot.

But upon further research, I've come to the conclusion that the real scam here, the one all you dicksuckers seemed to have missed, is that big fucking apostrophe in his last name. Who the fuck does this fucker think he is? Lance fucking Armstrong?? You want to fool the masses?? How bout tell them about Notre Dame's "imaginary" defense in the BCS Bowl game.. Now, that's the kind of shit that is believable.!

Pause to Reflect and Say Thank You...

Remembrance Day today... a day to recognize those who gave their lives for our freedom. A day to say thanks to all Veterans and Canadian troops who have served and continue to do so...

Yet, I am utterly appalled to hear several local schools are allowing students to "opt out" of participation in Remembrance Day ceremonies.  And there are parents who choose not to allow their child to participate and take their kids out of any ceremonies on reason of their own choice.

People just don't get it anymore.

And while there are those, including many Veterans, voicing their disapproval of these actions to opt out of recognizing the troops who gave their lives for our freedom,  Remembrance Day was always something I'll admit I never really got as a kid either.. and what I did get was it was a statutory holiday and another 'day off' from school or work..  fuck yeah!

I mean I would see all the parades and shit at city hall on the teevee; we did the ceremonies at school; wore poppies and all.. two minutes of silence at 11:00 on the 11th day on the 11th month.. officially commemorating when WW1 ended and Armistice was signed in 1918.. yeah yeah..I got the deets...  I paid attention in Social Studies...

You see, my ancestors have a different history.. they didn't fight in the Great War.. they ran from the Japanese; they ran from Communists; they starved on their own farms.. Chinese immigrants celebrate "Ching Ming"..we get pastries and BBQ pork from Chinatown and have a picnic at the graveyard to acknowledge our ancestors.. So on Remembrance Day.. we get the day off!!  WooHoo!

On May 2010, I was particularly intrigued hearing on the news about the Netherlands having more Canadian flags waving in one town than all of Canada.  I just figured, fuck, those Dutch must really like hockey or something... indeed they do..  BUT FOR OTHER REASONS.

Watching news clip after news clip, I saw 100s of thousands of Dutch people cheering, crying, mobbing, and honouring a bunch of these old codgers, Veterans, getting limo'd around on their streets.. Mothers of small children, teenagers, people in their 20's and 30's who never knew WW1 or 2, for that matter, running up to these old fuckers just to get a kiss or a simple touch!  Then they interviewed these fanatics... they said they wanted their children to know they touched a person who liberated their country 65 years ago.

Flags and banners waved:

"THANK YOU CANADA- WE WILL NEVER FORGET" and "THANK YOU FOR OUR LIBERATION CANADA- WE LOVE YOU"

It was quite the spectacle to behold. Memorial burial places in the Netherlands were gathered by literally 100s upon 100s of thousands placing flowers and candles on Canadian soldiers' graves and headstones.. "They never let a whipper snipper touch those headstones; they hand cut the grass with scissors.." said some old Canadian Vet in an interview..

The revelation suddenly dawned on me then... "They do remember.."

You see, the Dutch deliberately keep in sharp focus what it meant to be hunted down like animals, starved and beaten, and killed during the war. They forget neither those crushed under Nazi occupation at home, nor those who went off to their deaths in battle.  The memory is kept alive by public policy and personal conviction. These people realize what it meant to lose their freedom.. and they remember what it took to get it back...

THEY GET IT.

"To show their appreciation to the pilots who dropped food from the air, many Dutch people painted, "Thank you, Canadians!" on their rooftops. In honour of their gift of freedom Dutch people have donated 10,000 tulip bulbs to Canada for the National Capital Region, annually since the war's end. For 1995, the Netherlands donated an additional 5,000 bulbs for Parliament Hill, 1,000 for each provincial and territorial capital and 1,000 for Ste. Anne's hospital in Saint-Anne-de-Bellevue, Que. (the only remaining federal hospital in Canada, administered by Veterans Affairs Canada) "

from

http://wwii.ca/page52.html

It is tempting to feel our Canadian pride upon seeing all of this;  BUT what really dawned on me also was the Dutch challenged my thoughtlessness that day.  I am embarassed about my delinquency as an adult.  What the Dutch say rings true..

"It is our duty to remember and teach future generations what it means to be free.."

This quote will forever haunt me of my ignorance and obtuseness.  For forty years, I took for granted what this all meant..  I didn't get it.  But, it's not too late.. It's never too late to pause and reflect on the real price for my lifetime of peace, freedom, and opportunity, is it?

In fact, I think we all have the moral obligation and the social responsibility to teach our children why we even have the freedom to be able to 'opt out' of anything in the first place.

So today, as I have every year since that day I was enlightened by the Dutch,  I set aside my X-rated prose about Wall Street's inner workings, hold back my perverted cynicism about politics and current economic outlook, and instead choose to nurture memory and appreciation.


Today I give thanks to those who made the ultimate sacrifice so I can enjoy my everyday freedom.

Today I will pray for those who gave everything, and for those being now asked for their all..


Lest We Forget...

"Many Thanks" in tulips...

Welcome Back to Armafuckingeddon...

Suddenly it's 2008 again and we're on the brink of Armafuckingeddon and my largest position AAPL is hemorrhaging losses day in and day out ; unbelievably clown raping my net worth to the point of biblical horror...

Trading AAPL the last 6 weeks has been EXACTLY akin to:




Fundamentals don't matter anymore; charts are broken and technical analysis is for suckers; nothing makes sense anymore. Look at the sorry exhibition that is AAPL.. they're selling every fucking thing Chinese slave labour camps can pump out and the stock is going to $00.00 right the fuck now again, RIMM-style... pundits are pulling all sorts of numbers of their asses again, and good news is bad, bad news is worse... Just what the fuck is going on here??

But I'm not selling one fucking share.. You see, if you understand what is really going on in the market you can sleep easy at night. No, it's not because the "Black Communist" got in again and he made Jay-Z the Secretary of Swag. Nor is it the "fiscal cliff" or "everybody is selling ...for tax reasons" bullshit the CNBC dicksuckers are touting...

When I say degenerate two-bit hucksters in checkered Republican pants and their HFT bots are pulling rabbits out of their fucking magic hats again, understand I am NOT joking here... "playing the game", manipulation, whatever you want to call it... learn it, understand it and embrace the fraud that is Wall Street...

Even Cramer admits doing it...listen carefully:

http://www.wimp.com/manipulatingmarket/



Good Morning.

Let It Snow..

Yesterday's weather was the ultimate litmus test for all you jerk offs and fucktards...


So did EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU FUCKERS suddenly forget it rained before all that snow fell then froze over?? What? 200+ accidents with cars all over the ditch this morning does not give indication to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN??? And what's with you dicksuckers driving like crackpipe smoking baby monkeys that insist on passing everybody only to slam on the brakes because there's still traffic in front?? You're that much in a rush to GET TO WORK???

THEN LEAVE EARLIER FUCKED FACE!!

You know.. there are psychopaths that would randomly open fire in a McDonald's for a reason... Not saying I would do that kind of shit myself, but I do understand...

Markets looking to bounce from yesterday's egregious pukefest. This doesn't necessarily mean Christmas is back on...

Good Morning.

Another Four Fucking Years of Cocaine Gorillas...

The Obama gets his second term..no change in the House or Senate. Re-elected is the fiscal cliff, high unemployment, inflation, budget problems, and Bernanke's long lines of cocaine. $16 Trillion in debt and our Amerikan comrades are more concerned with gay marriage and smoking pot in front of cops. Awesome.

What must pain GOPers the most about Obama's victory is that 2012 was truly winnable for them... Pundits say the Republicans need to figure shit out..Well, it's actually quite easier than that: just ditch those fucking Tea Party psychopaths!! But hey, if you are a Romney supporter and if you also accept the fact that elections are always rigged and America lives in a state of oligarchy, you can swallow the loss in ease..plus you can always blame Ryan.

As a Canadian looking in from the outside, we are elated with the Obama win. Now really, who wants cheaper gas at the pump and a 65 cent Cdn dollar anyways?? We are enjoying our endless uptick in home prices immensely and really don't need some binder-toting goat fucker fucking with our cross-border shopping needs!!!

Pre-markets are reacting in fuck you, we're dead for another 4 years fashion, 2008 all over again-style. So.. this is what "certainty" feels like...

Elections are over..SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT POLITICS UNTIL 2016 AND GET THE FUCK BACK TO WORK!!!



Good Morning.

Happy AAPL Raider Day!!

Happy US Election Day and AAPL dividend raider day...


Last day to buy AAPL to get the Nov 15th divvy as the EX-date is tomorrow. Please enjoy watching the glorious spectacle of options volume going full retard to the upside today as MMs play "the game"; buying DITM calls and exercising them immediately to capture the $2.65 divvy, then selling the same calls for delta neutrality....

My mood is that of a psychopath with a chemical imbalance pushing old fuckers down moving escalators....

My portfolio is sitting in shit soup, sucking on 10 dicks lately, hemorrhaging 6 figure losses in 4 weeks, as I hold onto stupid as fuck amounts of AAPL common and OTM calls during AAPL's biggest correction in valuation since the dismal days of the 2008 financial crisis... My dip-buying escapades will surely spell the end of me one day..but this is AAPL for fuck sakes!

Work is being a piece of shit right now and giving me a hard time for missing out on a couple of "important" safety meetings, because discussing the intricacies of starting a fire in a live refinery and the nuances of climbing a ladder with pocketfuls of big wrenches and loose change is somehow much more important than meeting up with the project coordinators that call you every ten minutes only to have you run around like a coke-addled baby gorilla.. when really I should be watching my portfolio grind into fucking dust...

And now with the volatility of an 50-50 even presidential race, all gap ups are being faded, rallies are sold, and being in the fucking markets is more like playing pinless hand grenade hot potato.

An Obama win means driving off the fiscal cliff, $5/gallon gasoline and $100 tomatoes and a King Romney victory spells Austerity and the end of the QE cocaine train. No matter which two-bit huckster goat fucker our neighbors to the South vote in today, eventually means the same thing: the rich get richer, the poor get poorer, the Middle Class gets fucked. Americans are only choosing on "how" they get grape raped today....

Short term, markets will rally into American Turkey Day, on an uncertainty finally becoming certain but long term... Hmmm. Worst case scenario: a Bush-Gore-esce clown fuck tie again.


As a Canadian looking in, we will be doing what we do at our own elections: not voting. We'll be sitting at home, eating Doritos, and catch it all on CNN...



Good Morning.

Time to Place Your Bets...

Unless you've been lazing your fat ass under a fucking Microsoft Zune and do not know today is AAPL earnings day, lets get a few things straight, shall we?

Will the big fruit company meet Wall Street's ridiculous asshat expectations? I do not know. You don't either and neither do the fucking pros in checkered Republican pants, so relax.

What I do know is AAPL has been the easiest stock to OWN long term. And yes the markets fucking suck right now as does the economy and trading like a degenerate OTB guy has been trying as of late.

But even if Apple did not make a fucking penny the entire quarter; meaning Tim Cook was lying about those 5 million iPhone5's that sold in 3 days, and the 100 millionth iPad sold (16million for the Q), and added ZERO dollars to their already large as fuck coffers, and Verizon and AT&T are duping us all on the stupid as fuck amounts of iPhones they activated last Q, the share price would still trade at a PE of 17 at current prices--cheaper than GOOG or AMZN by leaps and bounds and any other stock you can find that grows their business 30% avg every quarter.

And even if you are a fucking schmoe with a big screen Samsung phone, hate Apple with animalistic violence, and think the ghost of Steve Jobs has ruined your life in every possible way because you so happen to be a 9-year-old Chinese factory worker with tiny hands building Nintendo Wii's 24/7 for bowls of rice, you must be an absolute fucktard to think not one fucking Apple nerd will buy any of that new shit Apple just released and Apple won't make fuckloads of cash from any of that shit.

So forget your gay little charts, stupid trend lines, and cock and balls formations, and put your crack pipe down for a second;  that shit does not apply here when gambling earnings call like some OTB guy at the horseraces;  here are the numbers you need to know today:

Apple guidance: $7.65EPS;

Expected: $8.83;

Whisper: $9.81...

Anything over $9 we hop back on the cocaine train to Heaven and then some, cutting shorts' dicks off along the way; anything under $8, we get punched in the fucking face with a sledge hammer dipped in HF acid and strange dog rabies...

My take? I'm riding into earnings call with retardo amounts of longs, 700-740 Feb bull call spreads and looking to dip buy some 600-640 Feb call spreads and 700-750 Jan14 Call spreads-- that's over 100% return if AAPL is $640 by Feb 2013 and over 200% if AAPL is above $750 by Jan 2014...my kind of odds. Hat tip to Apple guru Nick Nansen for all the dirty math on the above spreads...

Time to place your bets Gentlemen.

Good Morning.

No Such Thing as "Easy Money"...

My ol' man once told me long ago, 'even if money grew on trees, you'd still have a sore back at the end of the day picking up all that fucking cash off the ground'... Moral of the story: There's no such thing as "easy money".

So did you OTB dice-rolling charlatan dicksuckers really think it'd be that easy to make money here? Just buy AAPL on the dip and we go to all time cocaine highs again, just like that?

Well Buck-O, if price technicals means anything at all, perhaps you need to take a look-see at the chart... looking at all the overhead resistance against us, you've got better odds throwing snake eyes with expired lotto tickets and dead hookers on the table today...

Time to get the fuck back to work...

Welcome Aboard the Cocaine Express...

Well, it looks like we printed that bullish reversal hammer bouncing off the 100DMA that EVERYONE was looking for and happen to call yesterday... And judging how positive the AAPL stream is on Stocktwits, it looks like we'll be snorting eight balls off escorts before long now...

It never ceases to amaze me how EVERYONE on the stream bought in at the exact bottom of $623.55..; just like how everyone shorted AAPL at the "top" at $705.07,  simply by drawing a few gay trend lines on the chart... Fuck me,  I've been buying stocks since Elton John was straight, and I have yet to perfectly time any trade as of yet... I'm always too early or too fucking late.. But you fuckers... you guys should be flipping million dollar homes in Calgary, Alberta with that kind of genius!

Now hold your fucking horses for a second, I'm not much of a Technical Analysis guy but as a degenerate riverboat gambler not wanting to get surprise sex up my Doug Kass, shouldn't there be confirmation of this trend reversal, such as taking out yesterday's highs of $640.49 while not breaching yesterday's lows before going all in?? 

The thing is,  looking at the pre-market, AAPL is looking to gap UP and not wanting to sound like some vagrant bearshitter, what I am seeing blocking our way to heaven and more, is former all-time highs as resistance; though I feel it will not pose much resistance as it wasn't much support when we went through it.  The major resistance will be at the $652.00 area, which incidentally is also the 38.2% Fibbonacci Retracement support from the July low AND coincides with the 50DMA (once major support). 

Giving my respect to vagrant options guys who control the markets, cocaine highs aren't gonna be that easy. Getting over that wall of OI Calls at the 650 strike is like bringing a Galaxy S3 to a gunfight... but what the fuck do I know?  I'm just rolling dice here... still justifying why I bought too early AGAIN.

Good Luck in all your trades.