The Big Road Trip and Hobby Parents...

 Day 1 of the Big Road Trip. Family Truckster set to take off...  First leg.. 12 hours of uninterrupted, unadulterated, uncensored hell on wheels. It's not about the nervousness of surviving anymore... it's in the know that I'm pretty much fucked. But I can say, "hobby parents" we are NOT!!

 Futures? What futures?? Stocks??   I've got me 3 kids all under the age of 11 in the backseat!


  

Pre-Vacationary Thoughts....

As I write this post, I am in the midst of procuring some final arrangements, such as paying bills and zeroing credit cards and shit, before we go on our annual family vacay.  I must admit I am feeling a tad gun shy about the big road trip ahead of me...

How the fuck did I get 'duped' into taking on a 7000km trip to NorCal from Canada and then back again???

"You do know.. SF is only another 10 hour drive from Seattle..."  So my wife tells me....

Needless to say, it should prove quite the spectacle driving 200mph down the Interstates, steering with my knee,  furiously smashing my middle finger against my fucking iPhone screen, as I trade $AAPL earnings call like a coke-addled baboon, in a packed-to-the-fucking-hilt minivan with 3 "hellions", jacked on sugar and corndogs, waging mortal combat with each other, in the backseat. 

It will be grand indeed, of the National Lampoon's Vacation garden variety of grandness, I'm sure.

As I sit in the dark staring with my mouth agape at the egregious amounts on my monthly bills, I must let out a chuckle upon seeing what a complete fucking debacle my YTD is on my paycheque stub.

Using the Lord's name in as much vain as humanly possible, I think my wife must lay awake at night, conjuring up the number of ways on how she can bankrupt me right-the-fuck-now; whether it be with her "extreme couponing" or scrapbooking or her other arcane spending "hobbies". I dare say we're about "this close" to being special guests to receive the prestigious 'Asshats of the Year Award' on the show "Hoarders"

I'm often told how "lucky" I am for having no mortgage or personal debt by many of my peers.. Now what the fuck does "luck" have anything to do with it??

I'm cheap as fuck and try to save my coin like a Jew living in Chinatown on a deserted island. Does it sound like I've got horseshoes and unicorns up my ass??? Well fuck me running sideways in a room full of homophobic Pinterest users, would you believe according to the latest statistics, I fall into the top 3-4% income earners in Canada, without including stocks and shit!  But like fuck if I can afford to take holidays every 2 months or buy a brand spanking new SUV every year like all you dicksuckers do...

For the love of small dogs with gay haircuts jumping through flaming hoops, tell me, just how do you fuckers do it???

"Oh but you've got stocks... why don't you spend some of that Apple money?" I'm often told...

Oh really?? What kind of fucked up shit are you lacing your cocaine with??? That's akin to taking equity out of your home to pay your bills.... oh waitasec....Nevermind.


Futs are green this morning from tech getting a hard-on.... giddy up.

Canada: Land of Opportunity, eh?

  

According to a new report by CTV News, economic woes in the U.S. are driving a record number of Americans across the northern border as they seek better job opportunities, cheaper education, stronger beer , gay beanies with pom poms (toques), better hockey, Lululemon pants, phones with little keyboards, and some really fucked up weather in Canada.

Read it here: http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/canada-politics/americans-moving-canada-record-numbers-report-161857845.html

How To Sell a $35 Million Dollar Home...

When seeking buyers for a $35 million luxury mansion, you might need to get pretty fucking creative.



And that's what the owner of the Carbon Mesa Estate in Malibu, California did.

Carbon Mesa stars in a promotional movie and has its own custom-made iPad application that was delivered direct to a select few prospective buyers on gift-wrapped iPads.



Read more here: http://realestate.yahoo.com/news/-35-million-home-sells-itself-with-movie-and-app.html

Global Warming: The Root of All Evil... here we fucking go again...

BREAKING- As Canadians across the country continue to bake in "record" temperatures, a new study says that global warming is increasing the odds of extreme heat waves.


Skyrocketing temperatures in Alberta, and consequently high demand for electricity as residents cranked up the AC, led to rolling power outages across the province.
And, if you want a glimpse of some of the worst of global warming, scientists suggest taking a look at U.S. weather in recent weeks.

Horrendous wildfires. Oppressive heat waves. Flooding from giant deluges. And a powerful freak wind storm called a "derecho".
Meanwhile, the worst drought in nearly 25 years is devastating crops in Illinois and Indiana. And nearly one third of the U.S. corn yield is getting punched in the fucking cock, due to unusually hot temperatures and bone-dry soil conditions.


Here we go again. Seems every time it gets a tad hot around here, all the global warming pundits and climate change gurus get out in force and start running around like coke-addled monkeys with erect penises, furiously tapping their keyboards to post all that motivational "Green" shit on Facebook and Pinterest, then patting themselves on the back, handing out atta-boys and high-fiving each other for "calling it"...

Hey fuckface, it's called "summer weather"-- shit tends to get hot this time of year...Wait a minute… it gets HOT in the Summer and COLD in the Winter…. when the fuck did that happen??? Gee whiz Mr Scientist… what shall we ever do??

People and shit getting caught in wildfires and their houses burned wouldn’t be because of Urban expansion into forest areas…no fucking way!! People build their fucking houses built on flood plains and in the middle of tornado alley.. What does that have to do with anything??

So tell me then, how is it that Obama can shut down 30% of the US’s manufacturing and Global Warming continues to get worse?

When you shut down a nation’s economy and with so many people (who would normally have full time jobs) be out of work, shouldn’t the temperature decrease?

Perhaps manufacturing capacity has no connection whatsoever to the temperature of the environment... Does this mean we are just wasting billions of fucking dollars on a ‘Green’ energy solution, for no reason at all?

For the love of midgets getting fired out of circus cannons and retarded monkeys in Shriners' hats riding bicycles, we're more ‘Green’ now than we’ve ever been.  Not only that, the World has never had so much of it’s energy being supplied by ‘Green’ sources than at any time in it’s history.  Yet, global warming continues to get worse... How in the fuck do we know that wind turbines and solar arrays aren't responsible for the hot weather?


The thing is, it's really not that hot. And it's not that global.  A picture speaks a thousand words...

Certainly US drought conditions cannot compare to the 1930s... Weren't they breaking records ans shit before all those big fucking Suburbans and Tahoes hit the road..??

Hey, don't get me wrong or anything, I happen to like nature with all its trees and shit, and I can really do without having some fucking refinery pissing raw sewage into my drinking water; and I also do believe this human race can really fuck things up for the environment for a very long time, ultimately leading to its own demise; I just grow tired of the asshat media circus validating an unsubstantiated financial model so certain politicos can do 'business' with partisans / fellow gang members that people object to (no homo), every time some weather anomaly or some natural disaster strikes..

Maybe it's just me. I'm still trying to figure out how exactly does accumulating an egregious amount of 'likes' on that bullshit you posted on Facebook save the world??


In the Meantime, I'll  have my A/C cranked to '11' so shut the fuck up...

Spain 2008 VS Spain 2012...

Does anyone remember when Spain was praised for it’s solid economy in 2008?

http://www.wharton.universia.net/index.cfm?fa=viewArticle&id=1589&language=english

http://www.forbes.com/2008/10/13/spanish-banking-bailouts-markets-equity-cx_je_1013markets17.html


And here Spain is today... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/09/wrapup-1-eu-gives-spain-m_n_1660714.html



Canucks and Aussies best pay fucking attention.

Get Off Your High-Horse, Doc...

In a new report, it says 83% of US doctors have considered quitting because of Obamacare.

Say what?? Seriously, who the fuck do they think they are anyways? The power company?? EPCOR?? (please feel free to refer back to my last rant) They figure they can do whatever the fuck they want, charge whatever the fuck they want, just because they so happen to wield the power of fucking Zeus...?

IMHO, it's about time these cocksuckers got punched the fuck off their high-horse; these fuckers had it way too fucking good for way too fucking long; sitting on their pedestals ordering nurses & other hospital staff around to their every whimsical caprice like some degenerate Southern farmer to his slave-- "Toby, I need you to change the yacht's oil and mow the fields AFTER you change out this old fucker's heart and wipe down his scrotum..." "Yes Massa.."

Western society put those fuckers on the pedestal.. "oh they save lives; we need them, they are the experts!"

Experts??? Have you EVER met a person who HASN'T had at least one story to tell of either themselves or someone they know, that has been misdiagnosed by some doctor in some way?

Well, they don't fool me. Those fuckers are guessing it--they're fucking winging it-- they don't really know what the fuck is wrong with you-- it's no different than the Canadian Tire mechanic fixing your car-- we'll just start changing out parts until the problem is fixed...$3000 later for a simple oil change and you're good to go...Call me in the morning. A good fuck is still a good fuck no matter who's handing it out.

We're no better off in Canada either... we just get our health care fees deducted from all our paycheques our entire lives via taxes, and because all this shit is hidden from us, it somehow this makes us believe we are getting some sort of "group discount" at Walmart instead of getting bent over and getting the "Royal Treatment". Thing is, everyone here wants a US-style of health care system because for some reason just because our average home price went up in value and we missed the 2008 collapse, we are somehow entitled to be ahead of that kid with cancer in the hospital lineup.

Health Care should be like that of Mexico or Thailand; Doctors are just regular 'Joe tradesmen' who will fuck you with their thumbs for minimum wage.

Rolling Blackouts?? Fuck You EPCOR....

The Alberta Electric System Operator says today's temperatures have led to a record demand for power across the province. Albertans are being asked to voluntarily reduce their consumption until 6:00 tonight.

Rolling blackouts are expected to last an hour or more in areas across the province.

UPDATE: EPCOR says most power in Edmonton is now restored. Still, it's reminding Edmontonians to continue to conserve power.


First of all, FUCK YOU EPCOR. Secondly, fuck you too Alberta PCs and the fat fucking dick you rode in town on.

Are we NOT the energy capital of the fucking world?? We got coal, natural gas, oil... what gives here with all these blackouts? We need to conserve energy because we may run out??? Do we not make the shit here??? Coal is currently pricing in a full market valuation of $00.00 and it is more expensive to mine the shit than miners can get for it as proven with recent bankruptcy filings in the US today. And, with our pals in North Dakota fracking the shit out of themselves in the last few years, natural gas is not too far off the same price as coal. Hence, the cost of electricity basic inputs are pretty much lower than they ever have been these days. In fact, it should be free and would be if the leaders that be in charge weren't a bunch of two-bit hucksters out for the betterment of themselves only.

Need I remind you dicksuckers that our precious provincial government, that you VOTED IN for the last fucking 40 years, also have $16 billion plans to build 8X our existing transmission infrastructure at OUR TAXPAYER'S EXPENSE without ANY public NEED for them or a needs assessment done for that matter. In addition, after these lines are built via public funds, it will be GIVEN AWAY FOR FREE to 2 private transmission companies (ATCO and ALTALINK) along with a promised rate of return of 9%—mostly to sell to the US of fucking A for a nice tidy profit in which none of you fuckers that paid for that shit will ever see any of or any dividends arisng from. Nice go fuckface.

My mood is like a lit stick of dynamite dipped in nitroglycerin right now, so don't even get me started about the fucking Oilsands Producers, who are too fucking busy cutting budgets and cheaping out on proper maintenance of their own plants, to build their own generators for their own use on their own dollar. Say, how about public tax dollars supplying their power needs too? How novel would that be?

The power companies certainly has no prejudices with that either. They seem take pride in handing us the cock in ass bills every month, balls deep in administration charges, delivery charges, distribution charges, rider fees, local access fees, and transmission charges even when we do happen to use no more power than we did in 2010 and barely more than we did in 1997.

Now, if all you fucktarded Albertans would only actually LOOK AT your fucking utility bills for a change instead of the local MLS Real Estate Weekly to see how rich you got over the last month, you would notice every one of the above said fees are indeed separate charges per se, different from each other, and is charged to YOU, the consumer, every single fucking month; making up almost 45% of your entire power bill and near tripling your monthly power bill per month without a dramatic increase in actual per kWh energy charge in the last 15 years. (In fact, in 1997, electricity cost $0.0668 per kilowatt per hour unregulated via Edmonton Power Corp.; in 2012, it costs $0.07- $0.08 per on a contract via an asshat power provider like EnMax as shown here in a previous post).

It's +33 degrees centigrade (91.5*F) outside in the shade; the humidex blew the fuck up hours ago and it feels like +45*C (113*F); and now the fucktards at Epcor want me to sit and sweat in the fucking dark.

Like I said before: Fuck you Epcor. And fuck the rest of you for thinking otherwise; I for one, pay homage and bow my head to the central A/C Gods for whom have blessed me and my family with the gift of sleeping at night; You do understand, fans are for suckers, unless of course you are meaning to throw fistfuls of cocaine in them.  Good night.

Get Ready to Pay More Taxes Fuckers...

Once again, like we do every year, we fall for the City's annual bait and switch Ponzi scheme and must pull hook, line, and sinker out of our fucking asses.

This year, Mandel and his cronies gave us preliminary estimates of an 8.6% increase to our property taxes; but when everything is said and done, the increase will amount to a more probable 5.5% increase in property taxes.

And, in fine Edmontonian dicksucking fashion, everyone, of course, will feel joy and elation since it was only a 5.5% increase instead of the original 8.6% estimate and justify City councillors giving themselves another pay raise by touting "well, its still cheaper than what New Yorkers pay for their taxes; plus, our homes went up in value by egregious amounts last year..."

Yeah? Well, you Sir, are an asshat. Fuck you and the dick you rode in on...

A 5.5% increase is still more than double our local consumer inflation rate! For the love of retarded midgets shot out of cannons, you're comparing living in Millwoods to Manhattan???

That's akin to walking into the Walmart, seeing a jug of milk is priced at $3000; but then, upon getting to the cashier, you ejaculate all over floor because you only had to pay $1000 for said milk... what a deal!!

Justification: "I just saved $2 grand on my milk!! Those fuckers at Nordstrom's pay more for a bottle of Bordeaux!!"

"...plus my home value went up again this week!! Woohoo!!"

Yeah. We're different here alright.

A Fine Day Indeed...

US Open, NBA Finals, Portugal - Netherlands; Germany-Denmark at the Eurocup... this is a fine day indeed.

I eagerly await the Greek elections with animalistic violence. Those olive-eating goat fuckers are about to fuck themselves hard, one way or another. If they vote for one party, everybody loses. And if they vote for the other party, everybody loses. What a splendid election. Very reminiscent of Alberta elections except nobody shows up to vote here in Alberta...

Does anyone else find it a tad hedonistic of all these reporters and media showing up in Greece gluttonously awaiting the collapse of the modern financial world as we know it???

Nobody really gives two fucks and a retarded monkey, do they?

46 million people in the US alone on food stamps and starving in the streets and Greece ready to fall off the map and we're more concerned about if our 10-year-olds actually need that iPhone or if they would be better off with an Android phone...

Don't get me wrong, I mean hey, I too often take for granted how fortunate I am as I rant and bitch about Wall Street shit and how fucked up things are around here these days... But I am for certain, in 1933, people had REAL things to bitch about. So let's not lose sight of the fucking ball people... Life is a miracle and the stock market is there to fuck things up.

Happy Dad's Day to all the "real daddies" out there.

”Nobody appreciates Daddy....I’m talking about the real daddy that handles the fucking business. Nobody ever says, ‘Hey, Daddy, thanks for knocking out this rent!’ ‘Hey, Daddy, I sure love this hot water!’ ‘Hey, Daddy, it’s easy to read with all this light!” -Chris Rock.