OYE! AB Leaders Debate Tonite!

Oye.. Alberta leaders debate tonite... 

I would probably find it easier on my mood and sanity to simply crush my skull between the hot iron plates of a panini machine and cut my dick off with a blunt hacksaw while waiting in line overnight to pay $100K over ask on a pre-build condo in the Greater Toronto area than tolerate the arcane caprices of these candidates pander to the most basic animal impulses of the vagrant Albertan electorate, most of which will not even show up to the polls...

Yet, why do I find it so hard to turn my attention away from the greatest cat-fight since Neve went at it with Denise in "Wild Things"??

Being a stock trader, my morals equate to that of a 7-11 store clerk profiteering from the sale of pornography and cigarettes to 12-year old boys; I really should close both eyes and be LESS critical of the campaign platforms of these asshats-- their promises are trying to appease people like me...aren't we ALL part of the top 2% income earners in Canada and have membership in the ruling elite?? Please feel free to ADD peak home value and extra room on your credit lines to your household income when calculating this... Yeah.

The AB 2012 Election. Getting Better Acquainted here..

Yesterday I got better acquainted with the campaign platforms for the upcoming Alberta Provincial election; merely to keep up with daily converse among my peers and to serve as a distraction from all the doomsday CNBC-type propaganda so I don't make any fucktarded decisions to blow my arms off or fuck myself from my unalienable right to succeed and live a pomp and hedonistic lifestyle off the backs of the less fortunate and arcane spending habits of the self-proclaimed rich...

But the more I delved into the realm of political degeneracy, the more I was reminded as to why I do not like to partake in the regular converse of politics anymore: all the candidates are asshats regardless of ideology or political party--professional hucksters that will say anything to fleece you of your precious vote and coin; and Alberta voters are a bunch of self-serving gluttonous vagrants embodied with a sense of entitlement of that of a spoiled rich kid driving 200mph around the city in daddy's Porsche flaunting his extraordinary wealth via $10,000 Louis Vuitton man-purses bought with mommy's credit card...

My temper is a lit stick of dynamite duct-taped to a Saddam-era Scud missile and I do not have the time nor the emotional disposition nor the inclination to engage in water cooler chitchat about the elitist "we're here for Alberta families- rich Alberta families"- type of promises from the Wildrose; or the "yeah we'll win just because..." ignorant stupidity of the PCs; or how virtuous taxing the fuck out of everybody and anybody the NDP and Libs make it sound. You see, unlike a great many of you here who like to divulge in relations with the mentally-ill, I am trying to make money.

Thing is, I would much rather push old people hog-tied to skateboards into open manholes than waste my time talking politics. So long as home prices knife higher and Big Oil runs the joint, what does it really matter which asshat gets voted in???

Futs have cocaine courtesy of printing presses of the Bank of Japan this morning. Let's get this straight shall we? Nobody is allowed to fail, everybody gets a bailout. Spain is next. 

Everyone is Rich and a Fucking Genius Again...

When markets melt up and governments are printing cocaine and pouring counterfeit money into the economy, it's pretty easy to be optimistic and why not? Everyone is rich and a fucking genius... 

Over the weekend I was told just how easy it was... things are well on their way UP and another economic boom is imminent in Alberta: homes are selling out and the bidding wars will continue, retail sales is up, auto sales are throught the roof, TV advertising sales hitting record highs, and job shortages abound.... Oh, and if you're trading stocks, it is also assumed since the economy is so good, you must be a total fucktard if you can't turn $5000 into millions overnight— everyone else is doing it. The only thing that bothers me is if things are so damn great, explain why is everyone also gung ho on changing out our government??

Well peeps..considering everyone is an expert on the economy, does it really matter who's in charge? And who needs fucking jobs?? Jobs are for asshats coming over from the Eurozone and 3rd world countries...and they are coming here with all sorts of money and buying up everything in sight. It's different here. Is it not obvious everyone should just buy new houses and big cars?? They only go up from here.. and the bigger the better; size and number of options is what matters... And those of us into stocks and shit, can continue to pull retarded rabbits out of our magic hats... that's how good it is...

Futs continue to bleed out this morn... the Stocktwits stream is 99% bearish and expecting a triple digit gap down open— suddenly it's deja vu 2010 and 2011... the Euro and the awful US data is a factor again.. Time to separate the boyss from the men with their big cocks in market guilotines aka dickchoppers.

Happy B-Day to the Missus.

Today is the wife's birthday....the big 4-0... which means to a great many of you reason to spend a good penny on lavish gifts for your loved ones. The plan this weekend is wine and dine like the sloths that we are in hopes to poison our bodies with fine food and cheap alcohol in celebration that I find myself officially married to old people...

But it is the wisest investment of all, if I might say so myself.

Without my wife, life would probably be much simpler living out the back of a catering truck, roaming the countryside with unbridled enthusiasm like a 10 year old boy discovering his first erection, drinking Monster Energy sodas and pushing senior citizens into oncoming traffic rather than dealing with money, stocks, Wall Street shit and such on a daily basis.... She is the very reason my bank accounts are like bottomless pits but by the same token, can also be zeroed within seconds upon the mercy of her eccentric caprices.

But, cash means fuck all when you can buy something that improves relations; and anything that improves relations also increases quality of life. And, we all know the price tag for quality of life is infinite; therefore, feel free to splurge every so often.

You see, as frugal as I am, I do know it is the miser who is miserable more often than not. And it is also the miser, mind you, who may die a rich man but also an ignorant and lonely man.

Some of you vagrants of less brain capacity and even lessor knowledge of the real world may feel it necessary to ridicule me as I show public affection for my wife, mostly because of my PG-rated verbiage and lewd behavior here. You see, I may not have morals befitting of your narrow-minded prejudices as currency is the only thing that matters in the world of high finance, but I can be quite the romantic you know.

So show some respect today, feel free to smother her with lavish attention and pollute her FaceBook wall with birthday wishes...

Happy Birthday Hunny!!

Canada: The Best? It's the Coke!

In recent news, MSM is touting Canada is "the best governed country" in the world after Harper's austerity budget was released... while other countries are revolting in disgust with their own government's austerity measures, we, like the good obedient Canadians that we are, will take it up the hoop as we always do....

It is obvious we must "be different here"... our housing bubble is 40% larger and household debt is at record levels far exceeding that of our US counterparts were when their bubble burst in 2007...

Yet for the love of midgets launched from cannons, despite those grotesque figures, most Canadians are either still bidding up homes awaiting another oncoming housing boom or on the sidelines, procuring fine granite and stainless steel, waiting for the opportunity to pounce on all the "cheap" homes that will come available upon the housing bubble finally bursting and all the grandeur it brings with it...

Thing is, whether housing corrects or not, everyone in Canada is still lapping up the Kool-Aid and buying up real estate based on pot lights and spray foam insulation; too ignorant to even notice the next credit crisis is ready to punch us all in the scrotum again.... student loans.

The US debt in student loans has surpassed a trillion dollars; and in Canada, less than 2 million people have over $22 billion in student loan debt...a problem caused by escalating tuitions and a weak job market in which students are graduating into at a time when generational low interest rates are the norm...

This is a burden that Graduates cannot walk away from as easily as a home default: In the US student debt is not covered under bankruptcy laws and Canadians do not fair much better as young grads must live with this burden for a minimum 7 years after they graduate before they can declare bankruptcy.... Couple this with the gong show in Ottawa's decision to remedy this via massive jobs cuts, new immigration, and foreign workers AND policies that necessitate Boomers and bed-shitters to work a few more years before they can retire but will still give them free money in OAS payments regardless of their income anyways..

But no worries here, it's all good -- let's not forget what's really important to us all here--home prices are UP, CBC's funds are getting cut off, and the penny is toast....FINALLY!!! The "best run government" indeed.. BRING ON THE WHISKEY AND HOOKERS!!!

April is upon us already marking the end of the BEST first quarter the stock market has seen since 1998...

Please do not question me as to why the markets keep going up if everything is so awful in the real world....because I will simply reply "Cocaine my friend, now fuck right off..." 

Earth Hour and you know what that means..

Earth Hour tonight peeps... means turning out all your lights while watching the Oilers on the teevee for an hour... 

And, since there is no Oilers game tonight, everyone will be online creeping on Facebook or playing Draw Something on their iPhones and the kids busy on the PS3 or XBoxes... 

Apparently this momentous occasion is supposed to make us all feel better about driving a SUV with full time AWD everywhere we go even when we could walk and waste copious amounts of energy the rest of the year...

Fuck me running sideways with a television up my ass but I still don't comprehend how sitting in the dark at 8:30PM tonight makes us think the coal generators and turbines have suddenly shut down....

2012 Predictions

It's that time of year again where we all reflect back on the year gone by and make bold outrageous predictions of the incoming new year... Reading my twitter feed and various financial gurus with their infinite wisdom predicting where markets will be in 2012, it seems either the world will be ending or everything will be fixed and we will all be rich and geniuses again... 

Reflecting back on 2011, I'd like to punch fucking calendars in the cocksucker when I think back of all the successes I've squandered and the missed opportunities because I let the noise from the asshats on CNBC or other fucktards in main stream media dictate my emotions and judgment erring on numerous occasions on the side of diligence and safety instead of pure greed like I should...

But these are troubled times and markets just aren't right at the moment...during a financial crisis like the one we are facing now, logic and fundamentals do not exist and moronic volatility reigns supreme hence panic selling and buying.

90% of the stock market is controlled by institutions and professionals working for the world's largest investment firms and banks. They are deeply committed and vastly well prepared. They hire the smartest people in the world that work their asses off all day long; It doesn’t matter where these traders work – they may be on banks, mutual funds, hedge funds, or HFT shops – they employ an array of professional staff and technological tools to give themselves a significant edge. With billions at risk, they deploy anything that gives them even a slight advantage.

Guys like me are armed only with an outdated PC, an internet connection, and CNBC muted in the background; we as investors face daunting odds. We are at a tactical disadvantage, outmanned and outgunned in every which way compared to the pros... And when they panic, we had better pay fucking attention. We go way the fuck down then way the fuck up. Rinse and repeat. It is truly Armageddon for small time retail traders like myself...

I don't expect anyone to have the mental capacity to understand the bullets I dodge everyday, Matrix style... but understand this: I absolutely refuse to live within this Alberta bubble... I cannot bring myself to stand idly by like everyone else and think my line of credit IS my emergency fund and any available credit is counted as part of my net worth; I cannot dump every penny into a home ignorant to declare real estate here will go UP forever just because "we're different here" as compared to everywhere else in the whole fucking world...

My prediction for 2012?

The world will NOT end in 2012. You'll only wish it would. Especially those of you that are highly leveraged, in debt, and have no clue of what I rant about on a daily basis...

For 4 decades I completely missed the point of Remembrance Day.... It was the Dutch that provoked me to say "Thanks"

Remembrance Day was always something I never really got as a kid...what I did get was 'School was cancelled...YAY!!'

I'd see the parades and ceremonies at City Hall on TV... we would do ceremonies at school...two minutes silences at 11:00 on the 11 day... 11 month... that's when WW1 ended...the time Armistice was signed in 1918..learned that in social studies right?

We do it to remember those who have fought and fallen... well...My ancestors had a different history... they never fought... they ran from the Japanese..they ran from Communists...they starved on their own farms... Chinese immigrants celebrate "Ching Ming".. we get pastries and BBQ pork and have a picnic at the graveyard... but on Remembrance Day I get the day off!!!

May 2010, I was particularly intrigued hearing that the Netherlands have more Canadian flags waving in one town than all of Canada... I figured just coming off the 2010 Winter Olympics and the Dutch must be quite the hockey fans or something... Indeed they are.. but for other reasons.

Watching news clip after news clip, I saw 100's of thousands of Dutch people cheering, crying, mobbing and honouring Canadian Veterans... mothers of small children, teenagers, people in their 20's who never knew WW2 first hand..they were all running up to these slobbery old guys just to get a kiss or a touch. They interviewed these people... they said they wanted their children to know they touched a person who liberated their country 65 years ago.

Flags and banners waved.. " Thank You Canada- we will never forget"; "Thank You for our Liberation Canada"... Memorial burial places in the Netherlands were gathered by literally 100's of 1000's placing flowers and candles on Canadian soldiers' graves and stones... "they never let a whipper snipper touch the headstones..they hand cut the grass with scissors" said an old Canadian Vet in an interview....

It dawned on me then.."They do remember.." The Dutch deliberately keep in sharp focus what it meant to be hunted, starved, and killed during the war. They forget neither those crushed under Nazi occupation at home, nor those who went off to their deaths in battle. The memory is kept alive by public policy and personal conviction. These people realize what it meant to lose their freedom... and remember what it took to get it back...

"To show their appreciation to the pilots who dropped food from the air, many Dutch people painted, "Thank you, Canadians!" on their rooftops. In honour of their gift of freedom Dutch people have donated 10,000 tulip bulbs to Canada for the National Capital Region, annually since the war's end. For 1995, the Netherlands donated an additional 5,000 bulbs for Parliament Hill, 1,000 for each provincial and territorial capital and 1,000 for Ste. Anne's hospital in Saint-Anne-de-Bellevue, Que. (the only remaining federal hospital in Canada, administered by Veterans Affairs Canada) "

from

http://wwii.ca/page52.html

It's tempting to feel the Canadian pride...but then I realized also ...the Dutch challenged my thoughtlessness that day. I am embarrassed about my delinquency as an adult... what the Dutch said that day is true.."It is our duty to remember and to teach future generations what it means to be free..."

How true... I never really got it... but it's not too late to remember..So today, I will reflect on the real price paid for my lifetime of peace, freedom, and opportunity.

Today I set aside my x-rated prose about Wall Street's inner workings; I will hold back my cynicism about politics and the current global economic outlook; and instead nurture memory and appreciation. I will acknowledge the price being extracted today from Canadians serving in far off conflicts.

Today I pray for those who gave everything, and for those being now asked for their all...

Lest we forget....

"Many Thanks" spelt out in tulips...

New Diet..

Starts today... Timestomp this bitches..

4-hour Body by Timothy Ferriss... more like the Costanza diet— everything I've ever known or ever learned about dieting and eating properly officially thrown out the window...

No More Hockey Dad...

Tristan (5 years old): I don't want to play hockey Dad...

Me: well your brothers both play hockey... what are you going to do all winter then if you don't play hockey?

T: I'll just stay at home and make weapons..