The Mind of a 5 Year-old, Cherish it.

Being educated tonight by the 5 year old while he is tapping furiously on his iPod Touch, massacring zombies and shit:

Tristan: " I don't remember Evan (his older brother) as a baby because I was in Mom's belly and I couldn't see..."

Me: Oh really. How'd you get in mom's belly?? Did she eat you like a hamburger?"

T: "NO!! You're just silly dad... "

"Mom's heart made me in her belly... in humans, the moms take care of the baby... For penguins the dads carry the baby.."

Me: "Soo.. do penguin Daddy hearts make baby penguins then?"

T: "NO!!... penguins don't have hearts, they just have bones.."



The brilliant mind of a 5 year old... cherish it. He turns 6 tomorrow... Happy Birthday Tristan!



Happy birthday Tristan.

Only In Alberta...

Only in Alberta that ONE political party can be given a majority government for the 12th consecutive time and call it "change"... 

What is amusing is the overwhelming sigh of relief over the internets that everyone is glad the outcome of the greatest catfight since Neve and Denise is a PC majority as the usual Liberals cast their votes towards the side of Allison Redford. 

I guess Alberta just isn't ready for an "all gays and artists must die and burn in eternal hell" party yet by electing the lessor? of two evils... It just comes to show you, strategic voting works when only half the voters show up; and Albertans would rather take it up the ass before being labeled a "bigot that takes it up the ass"...

Well don't start procuring fine wine and beluga caviar just yet peeps; keep in mind these are the same dicksucking goatfuckers that fucked shit up in the first place...

Two-tiered healthcare and education cuts are still in the imminent future for Albertans; it just won't be as overtly explicit as the PC's traditional use of lies and smokescreens are more to our liking. Oh and please feel free to enjoy your heating and power bills in the meantime…

Personally, I was hoping for a PC minority but it is what it is... And for now I can honestly say I'm absolutely fucking elated the phone calls will finally stop...

Futs moderately green but expecting more carnage under the hood; today it's all about $AAPL

Happy Earth Day. Fuck You.

Happy Earth Day. 

Now what kind of nanny state clown fucking hippy dreamt up this stupid holiday, to remind us all to be nice to Earth and shit?? 

Oh wait, I suppose you BELIEVE we should all invest morally too; we should all vote ethically like we have some sort of panoramic democracy, and throw flowers at each other while we sing kumba yah in bare feet and burlap dresses, in celebration of our free healthcare and vast oil & timber supplies....

Well.. I happen to live in the real world--in the ghetto of Alberta, we take naps and drive big SUVs; we profit from selling ALL our natural resources to our neighbors, then bitch and shit on them for buying so much of it; we buy cheap shit from China, then shit on them for making them so cheap; we eat fatty burgers then shit on McDonald's for making us fat; and we pay premium dinero to live in big ass mansions on tiny lots so we can flaunt to the Joneses the extra rider fees and delivery charges to heat all that empty space that we don't need.

I work in a fucking refinery that stinks of cancer, and I am going in today to make sure it continues to stink of cancer...

Fuck Earth Day.

So, to celebrate this momentous occasion, I am driving to work doing 180 down residential roads, tapping this drivel on my iPhone while throwing plastic milk jugs and aerosol cans out the window... and I would do so even if it weren't Earth Day... just to let you know personally "Fuck You"

It is Sunday you know and markets are closed. I would be checking my portfolio but that's fucked too.

Oh Boy! Danni-Dollars!!

Natural gas and coal continue to get clown raped and will be obsolete soon. It's not like anyone needs those kind of dirty old man fuels for anything important like simple creature comforts such as heat or electricity anymore... 

In Alberta, we're all more than happy to pay peak rates that only consist of: Administration fees, Transaction fees, Delivery charges, ATCO Fixed charges, ATCO Variable charges, Transmission Service Chg Riders, Weather Adjustment Rider, and Shortfall Rider fees...

My last monthly natty bill: $145.00; $45.00 for gas (at $2.00 per GJ (market price=$1.90 per million BTUs; 1 BTU= 1.05 GJ)); $100 just for fees and charges...

Thing is, Albertans LOVE this shit with animalistic violence and are we are willing to vote for anyone that will make our healthcare system the same way. AWESOME! That $300 in Danni-Dollars will certainly come in handy now, no?

So long as our home values go up and the banks haven't cancelled our credit cards, do we really give a flying fuck??

Futures green from great earnings calls from $GE $HON and $MCD..

I, for one, am pleased all you fucking vagrants are still satisfying your daily nutritional requirements with McDonald's fine cuisine. 

Look Here Fuckface..

Let's get a few things straight shall we?

The whole lot of you pole-smokers figure because I am against the Wildrose Party and the PCs, I am some kind of 'lefty Marxist' crusader on a white steed that is here to stand up against the ills of capitalism.. It's always the same here in Alberta; if you're not conservative, you're a fucking socialist... Well.. Hardly.

Yes, I do feel WRP leader Danielle Smith and the PCs' Allison Redford to be exactly akin to a couple of junior high school girls, the cheerleader constantly working the camera versus the tomboy trying to shed boyish jock image; both bickering, spitting on each other's person; willing to put anything in their mouths, verbally and physically, to sway your opinion and vote to be prom queen. I personally really don't think I can handle 5 years of constant catfighting and bullshit popularity contests is the main reason for my objections to their leadership.

And, despite their outrageous proposals to tax the fuck out of everybody, I do find the best spoken political leader to be NDP's Brian Mason and Grit leader Dr. Raj Sherman, despite his Mr. Roboto demeanor, to be the only one with a real plan that may work; and the only one that truly knows and will admit, it takes money to make money...

But like all politicians, irregardless of party and ideology, and how altruistic or good their intentions before they are elected, like our US counterparts to evil bankers and Wall Street magicians, must cede their will to the arcane whims and caprices of Big Oil in Alberta...

I can tell you without hesitation that, once elected, all politicians become greedy dicksucking goat fuckers, the very worst society has to offer, aside from lawyers and insurance agents. They attach themselves onto good men of industry, like leeches, trying to suck them monetarily for all they have and their sole purpose in life is to get their piece of the pie without the slightest regard for the great pains the average Joe has undergone to feed his family and accumulate any wealth he has...

It is not my intention to tell you fuckers not to vote or which way to vote; I am merely a pipefitter who trades stocks, whose sole purpose is to amass vast fortunes and push senior citizens down escalators at the WEM... And while my updates on FB or this fucking blog are for my own entertainment especially when I get to punch critics in the groin with hockey sticks; AND to save my wife the agony of listening to me bitch about stocks and politics while she is trying to watch "Grey's Anatomy", I do only wish to open your minds just a wee bit so that you vagrants can at least ignore the high pressure "sales-type" tactics or noise you hear on Global news or read in the Edmonton Sun and think for yourselves and formulate your own decisions...

It is your RIGHT to show up at the polls BUT, just because your home went up in value because some RE blogger site said so, doesn't necessarily mean two-tiered healthcare is meant for you or your caste.... think about it.

Markets looking to bounce off its worst week in 2012..

OYE! AB Leaders Debate Tonite!

Oye.. Alberta leaders debate tonite... 

I would probably find it easier on my mood and sanity to simply crush my skull between the hot iron plates of a panini machine and cut my dick off with a blunt hacksaw while waiting in line overnight to pay $100K over ask on a pre-build condo in the Greater Toronto area than tolerate the arcane caprices of these candidates pander to the most basic animal impulses of the vagrant Albertan electorate, most of which will not even show up to the polls...

Yet, why do I find it so hard to turn my attention away from the greatest cat-fight since Neve went at it with Denise in "Wild Things"??

Being a stock trader, my morals equate to that of a 7-11 store clerk profiteering from the sale of pornography and cigarettes to 12-year old boys; I really should close both eyes and be LESS critical of the campaign platforms of these asshats-- their promises are trying to appease people like me...aren't we ALL part of the top 2% income earners in Canada and have membership in the ruling elite?? Please feel free to ADD peak home value and extra room on your credit lines to your household income when calculating this... Yeah.

The AB 2012 Election. Getting Better Acquainted here..

Yesterday I got better acquainted with the campaign platforms for the upcoming Alberta Provincial election; merely to keep up with daily converse among my peers and to serve as a distraction from all the doomsday CNBC-type propaganda so I don't make any fucktarded decisions to blow my arms off or fuck myself from my unalienable right to succeed and live a pomp and hedonistic lifestyle off the backs of the less fortunate and arcane spending habits of the self-proclaimed rich...

But the more I delved into the realm of political degeneracy, the more I was reminded as to why I do not like to partake in the regular converse of politics anymore: all the candidates are asshats regardless of ideology or political party--professional hucksters that will say anything to fleece you of your precious vote and coin; and Alberta voters are a bunch of self-serving gluttonous vagrants embodied with a sense of entitlement of that of a spoiled rich kid driving 200mph around the city in daddy's Porsche flaunting his extraordinary wealth via $10,000 Louis Vuitton man-purses bought with mommy's credit card...

My temper is a lit stick of dynamite duct-taped to a Saddam-era Scud missile and I do not have the time nor the emotional disposition nor the inclination to engage in water cooler chitchat about the elitist "we're here for Alberta families- rich Alberta families"- type of promises from the Wildrose; or the "yeah we'll win just because..." ignorant stupidity of the PCs; or how virtuous taxing the fuck out of everybody and anybody the NDP and Libs make it sound. You see, unlike a great many of you here who like to divulge in relations with the mentally-ill, I am trying to make money.

Thing is, I would much rather push old people hog-tied to skateboards into open manholes than waste my time talking politics. So long as home prices knife higher and Big Oil runs the joint, what does it really matter which asshat gets voted in???

Futs have cocaine courtesy of printing presses of the Bank of Japan this morning. Let's get this straight shall we? Nobody is allowed to fail, everybody gets a bailout. Spain is next. 

Everyone is Rich and a Fucking Genius Again...

When markets melt up and governments are printing cocaine and pouring counterfeit money into the economy, it's pretty easy to be optimistic and why not? Everyone is rich and a fucking genius... 

Over the weekend I was told just how easy it was... things are well on their way UP and another economic boom is imminent in Alberta: homes are selling out and the bidding wars will continue, retail sales is up, auto sales are throught the roof, TV advertising sales hitting record highs, and job shortages abound.... Oh, and if you're trading stocks, it is also assumed since the economy is so good, you must be a total fucktard if you can't turn $5000 into millions overnight— everyone else is doing it. The only thing that bothers me is if things are so damn great, explain why is everyone also gung ho on changing out our government??

Well peeps..considering everyone is an expert on the economy, does it really matter who's in charge? And who needs fucking jobs?? Jobs are for asshats coming over from the Eurozone and 3rd world countries...and they are coming here with all sorts of money and buying up everything in sight. It's different here. Is it not obvious everyone should just buy new houses and big cars?? They only go up from here.. and the bigger the better; size and number of options is what matters... And those of us into stocks and shit, can continue to pull retarded rabbits out of our magic hats... that's how good it is...

Futs continue to bleed out this morn... the Stocktwits stream is 99% bearish and expecting a triple digit gap down open— suddenly it's deja vu 2010 and 2011... the Euro and the awful US data is a factor again.. Time to separate the boyss from the men with their big cocks in market guilotines aka dickchoppers.

Happy B-Day to the Missus.

Today is the wife's birthday....the big 4-0... which means to a great many of you reason to spend a good penny on lavish gifts for your loved ones. The plan this weekend is wine and dine like the sloths that we are in hopes to poison our bodies with fine food and cheap alcohol in celebration that I find myself officially married to old people...

But it is the wisest investment of all, if I might say so myself.

Without my wife, life would probably be much simpler living out the back of a catering truck, roaming the countryside with unbridled enthusiasm like a 10 year old boy discovering his first erection, drinking Monster Energy sodas and pushing senior citizens into oncoming traffic rather than dealing with money, stocks, Wall Street shit and such on a daily basis.... She is the very reason my bank accounts are like bottomless pits but by the same token, can also be zeroed within seconds upon the mercy of her eccentric caprices.

But, cash means fuck all when you can buy something that improves relations; and anything that improves relations also increases quality of life. And, we all know the price tag for quality of life is infinite; therefore, feel free to splurge every so often.

You see, as frugal as I am, I do know it is the miser who is miserable more often than not. And it is also the miser, mind you, who may die a rich man but also an ignorant and lonely man.

Some of you vagrants of less brain capacity and even lessor knowledge of the real world may feel it necessary to ridicule me as I show public affection for my wife, mostly because of my PG-rated verbiage and lewd behavior here. You see, I may not have morals befitting of your narrow-minded prejudices as currency is the only thing that matters in the world of high finance, but I can be quite the romantic you know.

So show some respect today, feel free to smother her with lavish attention and pollute her FaceBook wall with birthday wishes...

Happy Birthday Hunny!!

Canada: The Best? It's the Coke!

In recent news, MSM is touting Canada is "the best governed country" in the world after Harper's austerity budget was released... while other countries are revolting in disgust with their own government's austerity measures, we, like the good obedient Canadians that we are, will take it up the hoop as we always do....

It is obvious we must "be different here"... our housing bubble is 40% larger and household debt is at record levels far exceeding that of our US counterparts were when their bubble burst in 2007...

Yet for the love of midgets launched from cannons, despite those grotesque figures, most Canadians are either still bidding up homes awaiting another oncoming housing boom or on the sidelines, procuring fine granite and stainless steel, waiting for the opportunity to pounce on all the "cheap" homes that will come available upon the housing bubble finally bursting and all the grandeur it brings with it...

Thing is, whether housing corrects or not, everyone in Canada is still lapping up the Kool-Aid and buying up real estate based on pot lights and spray foam insulation; too ignorant to even notice the next credit crisis is ready to punch us all in the scrotum again.... student loans.

The US debt in student loans has surpassed a trillion dollars; and in Canada, less than 2 million people have over $22 billion in student loan debt...a problem caused by escalating tuitions and a weak job market in which students are graduating into at a time when generational low interest rates are the norm...

This is a burden that Graduates cannot walk away from as easily as a home default: In the US student debt is not covered under bankruptcy laws and Canadians do not fair much better as young grads must live with this burden for a minimum 7 years after they graduate before they can declare bankruptcy.... Couple this with the gong show in Ottawa's decision to remedy this via massive jobs cuts, new immigration, and foreign workers AND policies that necessitate Boomers and bed-shitters to work a few more years before they can retire but will still give them free money in OAS payments regardless of their income anyways..

But no worries here, it's all good -- let's not forget what's really important to us all here--home prices are UP, CBC's funds are getting cut off, and the penny is toast....FINALLY!!! The "best run government" indeed.. BRING ON THE WHISKEY AND HOOKERS!!!

April is upon us already marking the end of the BEST first quarter the stock market has seen since 1998...

Please do not question me as to why the markets keep going up if everything is so awful in the real world....because I will simply reply "Cocaine my friend, now fuck right off..."