Happy B-Day to the Missus.

Today is the wife's birthday....the big 4-0... which means to a great many of you reason to spend a good penny on lavish gifts for your loved ones. The plan this weekend is wine and dine like the sloths that we are in hopes to poison our bodies with fine food and cheap alcohol in celebration that I find myself officially married to old people...

But it is the wisest investment of all, if I might say so myself.

Without my wife, life would probably be much simpler living out the back of a catering truck, roaming the countryside with unbridled enthusiasm like a 10 year old boy discovering his first erection, drinking Monster Energy sodas and pushing senior citizens into oncoming traffic rather than dealing with money, stocks, Wall Street shit and such on a daily basis.... She is the very reason my bank accounts are like bottomless pits but by the same token, can also be zeroed within seconds upon the mercy of her eccentric caprices.

But, cash means fuck all when you can buy something that improves relations; and anything that improves relations also increases quality of life. And, we all know the price tag for quality of life is infinite; therefore, feel free to splurge every so often.

You see, as frugal as I am, I do know it is the miser who is miserable more often than not. And it is also the miser, mind you, who may die a rich man but also an ignorant and lonely man.

Some of you vagrants of less brain capacity and even lessor knowledge of the real world may feel it necessary to ridicule me as I show public affection for my wife, mostly because of my PG-rated verbiage and lewd behavior here. You see, I may not have morals befitting of your narrow-minded prejudices as currency is the only thing that matters in the world of high finance, but I can be quite the romantic you know.

So show some respect today, feel free to smother her with lavish attention and pollute her FaceBook wall with birthday wishes...

Happy Birthday Hunny!!

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