Buying the Dip in V?

Visa is tempting me add to my long position for a trade this morning...

The credit cards companies have been acting like corpses rotting in the backyard in the past month and should be deserving of life soon... especially with it coming into that time of year where bored housewives will be sending the hellions back the fuck to school and going full retard to the upside spending money on retail...

One thing extra we got to remember.. with AAPL and GOOG and AMZN are on runaway train dick chop the shorts mode with new product cycles coming up shortly, do tell me what the fuck do you think all the plebs are buying their shit with?? Cash??? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!  I like to think of V and MA as my kind of AAPL "derivative plays"...

What perked my curiosity today was how violently it bounced off its 50Day MA with above average volume and its 61.8% Fib retracement as it did in July when I opened a new position...

And as you can see V responds well with its 50Day MA....


Also I'm getting signals of it also breaching its lower Bollinger Band here today... another BUY signal for me....

A Lot of Smack Talk Going On... AAPL

Across the internets, the pundits are talking shit again... listen to you fuckfaces, a couple of down days and no right the fuck now FED cocaine, everyone running for the fucking hills! Sad indeed.

Today marks the day of Tim Cook's 1st year anniversary as being promoted to CEO of AAPL. Despite he adding $260 Billion more to its value, AAPL is done for yet again on news of AAPL losing a patent case in Korea for a penalty of $35,300 (net $13,300), Chinese not thinking the iPhone is cool anymore, and your daily dose of "Apple only downhill from here because Steve Jobs is dead" news.

AAPL pre-market trading is red and the call on Stocktwits is anything under $660.00, share price goes to $640.00 then $600.00 with a real market valuation of $00.00... suddenly "Mark Zuckerberg being the next Steve Jobs" rings true... Please.

If you insist on sitting at the OTB guy table at the Fitz, here's what you may want to know:

Max Pain:

And Open Interest: 

I expect the trade range to be between a $650 to $670 crack spread this morning as the weekies expire, perhaps pinning $655, more likely the $660 strike....After 3:30PM, all bets are off and back to heaven and more...  


Samsung: "Copy Apple? Who? Moi?? Never!!"

NAH!!! Of course not. Samsung would never think of copying Apple; they had this shit in the works for years! Their smartphones look like iPhones by pure coincidence as does their brand spankin' new flagship store in Australia!  

Before and After the iPhone circa 2007
Oh besides, Apple copied the Sony Stores first... and "everybody copies, even Apple"... Samsung are THE "Innovators". Just look at their tablets! Apple iPad has had NO INFLUENCE whatsoever!!

OK. Apologies. It appears my 'sarcasm' button on my keyboard is broken again.  Fuck, I hate when THAT happens.  Sure hope them dudes on the jury are blind too... See for yourself what the new Samsung Experience looks like...

"Whatever!" is The New AAPL!

An amusing thread I saw this morning on a friend's wall on Facebook...

Ah yes, the infamous cliche "At the end of the day...", an irritating inanity a lot of fucktards use to indicate closure or synopsis of a stated point because of the simple fact they are indeed asshats, who are incapable of finishing a complete sentence without a tired cliche incorporated in it. 

Seeing this thread this morning made me chuckle reminsciencing of a poll mentioned all over the news a few years ago. This was not the most annoying crutch in this poll, but still in the top fucking FOUR...  with "whatever" ranking Number 1 in irritability; followed by "you know.." and "it is what it is.." placing above "at the end of the day" in pique precedence.

I would add "my bad", "just sayin'", "it's all good", "it isn't rocket science..", and "can't fix stupid.." to MY personal list.

I found this quite amusing since degenerate stock traders, likewise, have their own vernacular including such utterances as "bulls", "bears", "seeking Alpha", "dead money", "death cross"' "bearshitter", "trader-bots", "full retard", "the Bearded Clam", "clown rape", "boot-stomp", "gorilla run", "cocaine and hookers" and "goat fuckers". 

The Fly, a sage in the financial blogging world, nailed it when he said it best:

"In the real world, people who manage money have disgusting, filthy, mouths, cussing at old ladies in wheeled chairs and spitting at the homeless. But somehow, someway, when these charlatans made it online, their salesmen hats went on and they became very prim and proper, coming across as bland, rigid, checkered pants republicans (no Savage)."

And, this I'm assuming also applies when they make appearances talking shit on the TV and radio, Cramer-style... I highly recommend you refer to the iBC Financial Dictionary if you have any questions in any of the financial lingo your pea-sized gray matter inside your skulls can't handle...

Anyways, it was amusing to me because until only recently, my wife actually thought I was making all that shit up until she overheard some of these words used on some documentary on the 2008 crash I was watching on the teevee.  You must excuse my wife's naivity; when I was running my kid's hockey team's webpage a couple of year's ago, she also thought I was creating my own 'hockeyspeak', if you will, out of thin air; words such as "spinorama", "saucer pass", "cherry-picker", "change on the fly", and  "startin' the lawnmower." ; until some commentators on Hockey Night in Canada were using those adages one evening..

"WHAT??? Those are real words???" She asked.  "That how they talk, Honey."

Back to my point about all those fucking annoying cliches, traders have them too.. Though I haven't ranked them as did the Marist Institute for Public Opinion did in their poll, I do know the Top 3 on my list by far for most annoying are:  "_______  IS THE NEW AAPL!", "Mark Zuckerberg, the next Steve Jobs..",  "_________, the iPod (iPhone, iPad)-Killer..." 

Others unranked thus far include:

"painting the tape"

"squeeze the shorts"

"MOMO stocks.."

"gentlemen prefer bonds"

"it's different this time.."

"we're different here.."

"nice healthy pullback.."

"US-style housing crash.."

"inflection point"

"fade the gap.."

"housing has bottomed.."

"holding up well..."


"money can't buy happiness"

"money isn't everything. you know.."

"the value of money.."

"It's only a paper loss, it'll come back.."

"stocks ALWAYS come back.."

"a fool and his money.."

"poised to clear next resistance.."

"needs to rest after a nice run.."

"greed is good"

"chasing returns"


"dovish" or "hawkish"

"all boats rise..."

"tightening the target..."

Any ones I've left out? I would like to know....

Sometimes Less Is More... AAPL

One day a young ambitious pleb, clad in burlap hoodie with holes in it, on his journey seeking copious riches on the streets of Wall, came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle before him, he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a egregious barrier.

Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey, like the little bitch that he was, he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river, lurking in the tall grass waiting for a zebra to walk by.

The young pleb yells over to the great teacher, “Oh wise exalted one, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river”?

The great teacher ponders for a moment looks up and down the river whilst taking another sip of his hot cup of Earl Grey, flicks his blunt into the river, and yells back, "Hey fuckface, you ARE on the other side!”. 

One of the hardest traits to learn as a trader has been patience, especially when trading AAPL. I know of no one who has traded it, that hasn't went through the same shit: they figured he or she was a fucking genius and had AAPL all figured out with some new fucktarded strategy; and after a huge rip, "locked in some profits", selling it prematurely on some morning weakness; only to watch it rip the fuck higher, 1998 tech bubble-style, then chase it in spite because they "missed the move up", and buy it back higher and watch it knife down on a 15% correction again.

Today I am opting to sit on my hands and join the wise teacher in the tall grass and wait for zebras.

But if you insist on trading every fucking day like a degenerate OTB guy at the Fitz in Reno, here's what you may want to know:AAPL will correct as it always does but never forget it has room to run with a product release come Sept.12th.


And, ALWAYS give those options guys their due respect. They are the market movers. I expect AAPL to trade in the nice neat little pocket of $650-$670 today despite your fucktarded strategy telling you it'll go higher or lower.

Good Morning and good luck with all your trades.


UPDATE: AAPL. Still In It.. Fuck Stops...

By sheer dumb luck and the grace of the Gorilla Gods, I didn't put in my STOP order on AAPL this morning and now it's green, squeezing the heads of shorts in table vises on its way to the promised land.

Just as a general rule I keep, I never like to throw in stops or any orders, buy or sell, in the first half hour of trading and always try to give those degenerate options guys who manipulate the fucking markets and especially AAPL share price their due respect first before making any rash dumbfuck decisions.

Upon looking at the AAPL max pain/ open interest for the weeklies this morning, I noticed the wall of PUTs at $635-$650; and figured the Wall Street magicians would want AAPL nicely tucked near the $655 strike and AAPL share price would not be under $650 for very long this morning... just as share price had problems holding the $670's yesterday due to the wall of CALLs there, it did indeed come back up and in a hurry...

Fuck it. For the record and all you psychopathic "timestamp" bots out there, I'm taking all stops off and riding this out into the sunset while eating potato chips; I'm not stupid enough to place a bet against Bernanke's cocaine machines nor are my kahonas large enough to short this tape... I'm flush with cash and will be looking for more opportunities lower to get even more stupid as fuck long... Hopefully some of you vagrants playing this short were able to cover this morning. Good Luck in all your trades...

How Do You Like Them AAPLs??

A random short story for you to ponder...

One day a degenerate vagrant in burlap hoodie asked a Zen master: "How should one practice Tao?"

The Zen master replied: "Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired, Fuckface"

The vagrant said: "Well, most people do that."

The Zen master explained: "No, no, not so, my fuckfaced friend. When they eat, they do not want to just eat but talk shit of this or that; when they go to sleep, they do not want to just sleep but talk shit of this or that."

It never ceases to amaze me how fast you limp-dicked burrito fuckers on the Internets turn. Barely 24 hours ago, AAPL was THE stock to BUY at any cost ; Tim Cook was the second coming of Mathatma Gandhi, and its share price was going to Heaven and more.

By noon yesterday, AAPL was "topping out", "exhaustion gapped","finished", done for, nothing without Steve Jobs. Take your losses now, buy a new Samsung Galaxy IIIS or forever be fucked in the eternal depths of Hades.

So, did I cave under the peer pressure and blow out my AAPL shares yesterday?? Fuck no. I'm thinking of holding tight just to piss you fuckers off. You do understand 'spite' can be an incredible motivator...

Although the 'dark cloud cover' candle it printed yesterday with massive volume on a down day is still a concern, AAPL is still in an uptrend, not being able to breach the day before's LOD; and bouncing off the previous day's gap and the 23.6% Fib retracement...


What does concern me is how long AAPL can continue holding up the SPY... which is at a critical point today sitting on support/ former resistance, having printed a nasty engulfing candle, and looking to gap DOWN this morning. My line in the sand sits at SPY 141.50, the juncture where the SPY topped out last in April, and also the last major obstacle in its way before seeing its all-time highs set in Oct, 2007.


I find it hard to remain overly bullish in this environment and AAPL right here, feeling it may need to pull back before AAPL stair steps up the wall of worry to my estimate of $680.00 into the iPhone 5 release date. Take profits if you must... my stop will be at yesterday's low confirming any breach to be a break in the current trend...


Spoke Too Soon.. Now What?

So much for our fucking parabolic gorilla run for the ages... AAPL is selling off now like Peter Thiel was selling them to you at the Costco hot dog stand, after a egregious gap UP open of $670.82 and ripping to all-time record intraday high of $674.88...

So, for those interested and wondering if you should panic sell or try to get in on the landmine juggling action.. here are your Fibonacci retracement numbers:

23.6% Retracement Value
38.2% Retracement Value
50.0% Retracement Value
61.8% Retracement Value
I, for one, am still retardedly long as fuck and will wait on better prices, near the 50% RT levels or even the lower BB to acquire more shares for the iPhone5 rip...if it breaks thru yesterdays low of $649.90, I will take more profits via letting it hit my stop there... Good Luck in all your trades.

Sometimes You Gotta Get Back Old School...

Visit StockCharts.com to see more great charts.

AAPL is officially in full retard to the upside runaway train parabolic mode, lopping dicks off anyone that stands in its path.

I have to admit this parabolic move, 3 fucking weeks earlier than expected, caught me entirely off guard and I spent all of yesterday stewing over it like a little bitch after letting a few of my trader shares go on Friday.

My initial targets were $645.00 at the upper Bollinger Band and all-time intraday highs against resistance; hoping I could take a few profits and snag up more shares on the cheap counting it would bounce off and retrace a tad before ramping up into the Sept.12 iPhone5 announcement.

From experience with owning AAPL and trading it over the last decade, even if every single technical indicator is flashing overbought levels; and every instinct in your body tells you you should never chase a stock that goes straight the fuck up, AAPL has also been known rip the fuck higher despite you and your 300 asshat reasons why it should correct. No one can tell when this retardo parabolic move will end; but everyone knows, when you're dealing with AAPL, it can certainly run longer than anyone thinks.

Sometimes you just gotta go back old school. Forget all your dumbass algos, homosexual trend lines, fibonacci equations, retardo signals and every other bullshit reason why you should get the fuck out of a winning trade; and just sit back and enjoy the ride... Old School .

Good Morning.


Here We Fucking Go Again... AAPL

Caught some "Til Debt Do Us Part" last night with that Gail Vaz-Oxlade, Canada's rendition of Suze Orman, in between reruns of Pawn Stars and a new ep of Breaking Bad...

For the record, I don't know about these personal finance shows; there's something about solving ALL your arcane spending habits caused from your egregious meth addiction and putting too many fucking BMWs and hookers on your Mastercard, simply by living a frugal lifestyle off the nickels and dimes in glass jars and donating a couple of spare organs for some extra interest income, I just can't come to terms with...

But for some reason, I found that I couldn't look away-- I don't know if it's because I get off on watching these people with stupid-as-fuck amounts of debt willing to suck Gail Vaz-Oxlade's dick for a meager $5000 and some coupons for rock climbing; Or perhaps it's being able to peek into other people's personal lives, like some perverted child porn guy, and seeing how fucked they really are, that makes this show so appealing, almost dirty; it's very much akin to shitting out a big steamy 3-coiler or throwing up; you just have to look at it like some degenerate rubbernecker driving past an accident scene on the freeway.

And why the fuck are these personal finance gurus so fucking giddy all the time?? For once I'd like to see Gail say, "Yup, you're fucked, sorry 'bout yer luck... Now beat it!".

Anyways, $AAPL has my undivided attention this morning as it's about go on an all out gorilla run in pre-market trading... Well, isn't that just fucking lovely? Looking like another egregious gap up this morning....and that just pisses me off to no end...

Fuck me running sideways with a gay piano in a room full of homophobic Pinterest users, I just took some profits Friday... Thing is, I should know better too, having owned AAPL shares since the 'iPod is just a fucking fad' days, AAPL has always shat in the face of gay trend lines, multiple gaps, shooting stars, low volume runs, and humongous engulfing reversal candles. Happens every fucking time. And if I didn't take profits, sure as shit, it would be gapping down this morning and I'd be kicking myself for not doing so...

Don't get me wrong,  a 13% gain in less than a month is nothing to scoff at and my cocaine trees are in full bloom as I am still retardo long on AAPL shares but there's something about leaving money, any money no matter how minuscule, on the table that irks me, much more than losing money...

Yeah yeah... I do know the stupid adages:

"You never go broke taking profits"

"Don't worry about the IFs and BUTs, we are only concerned with NOW and NEXT"

Fuck you.  You see, when I'm wrong about a trade, like I was on that bitch $FB for instance, I can deal with that... I take my losses, lick my wounds and move on.. But it's when I'm right about a trade and fuck it all up with something as fucktarded as "timing" ...  now that drives me absolutely fucking insane... And, being it involves AAPL shares, amplifies the hurt even more so... 

My biggest fear now is,  not Europe falling into the ocean or China slowing or the US going into another recession, but AAPL going on one of its fucking parabolic gorilla runs... I guess what it comes down to is how Josh Brown so eloquently put it, "I hate this rally because.. I'm not long enough, sssshhh"

Parabolic Bitch

So wanna make money in stocks? BUY what I buy, but when getting in or out, wait a couple of days, you'll buy it cheaper and sell it higher...

Good Morning $$

UPDATE: AAPL is officially in runaway fad mode, chopping dicks and limbs off shorts and anyone else in its path, this morning...

Money I left on table has now surpassed Gail Vaz-Oxlade's max reward for partaking in her circus stunts on her show...