A Letter to My 18 Millionaire Co-workers...

To my 18 coworkers or (ex-coworkers) that won the lottery:

Congrats again.

Now before all you fuckers get all cocky and shit, just because the gorilla gods happen to drop some coin on your laps to roll the dice with, here are some stats that you may want to take a gander at once the party winds down, the puke is cleaned up, the escorts go home, and fucking reality sets back in...

Based on several studies on Powerball, Mega Millions, and Lotto 6/49 winners in the last 10 years, 50%-70% of lottery winners wind up blowing the money within 5 years; the higher the amount won in one lump sum, the greater the chances.  Of that 70%,  HALF will be in serious financial problems or completely broke, worse off than they were before they won the lotto.  So that's 1 in 3 or 6 of you fuckers that will be bankrupt the next time I run into you...  And there is a 90% probability, your grandchildren will never see any of that money by the time they are born...

But not to worry, you're not alone...72% of people who recieve their millions from inheritance go through it in less than 5 years too;  78% of NFL players are divorced, unemployed, or bankrupt up to 2 years after leaving the game; 60% of NBA pros are broke within 3 years of leaving the game...

Feeling lucky? Meet Mr. Dick Guillotine..

No, it's not some fucking curse or conspiracy the government or those dick balls making all them chemtrails have bestowed upon you..  Sure, you've became a huge target for degenerate 2-bit hucksters coming out of the woodwork just to take advantage of you, but this has to do with your fucktarded decision-making.  And the reason why most of you fucking goldbrickers can't hang onto any cash in your bank accounts is because, well, you're a fucking goldbricker.

Winning a bunch of money doesn't build character. It reveals it and magnifies all the good and weak traits the winner lives by.

You see, before that lottery win, you were just a dickless vagabond sitting in a homeless man tent, eating beans and molasses from a tin can.  How much "character" do you really think you have in the first place?? 

So now, just overnight, you think you've become some kind of 'investment guru',  buying up all kinds of dogshit stocks and Chinese burritos, while making outlandish calls on the market and economy like Gordon fucking Gekko, sending your pets to boarding school, and enjoying a unchecked hedonistic and perverse lifestyle of gaudy decadence, while telling everyone else to fuck off. 

Of course you think that.  Everyone else does.

That's why the above stats are the way they are, fuckface.

Take a deep breath and take some advice from someone who's been banking coin the hard way (not necessarily me)... EDUCATION is the best investment you can buy.


With Confidence and Fidelity,

Heisenberg.

Current Portfolio Holdings...

Short term trading account:

Long term holdings....

Yeah. That's right, I'm fucking WINNING. Have a good weekend.

Eying Me Up Some 3D...

DDD bouncing off the 50 day on numerous occasions... looking to get in on it today if if falls back to it...

 


UPDATE: I never got any orders for DDD filled today as it bounced off S1 support and never looked back... I will be putting this puppy on my watchlist and hope we revisit the 50 day again in the next couple of days... Anything $39 or lower is a buy, and DDD should be back in the $44 territory soon after...

I'm 'Even Steven', See How Things Even Out For Me?

"Don't get too down. Everything will even out. See, I have two friends. You were up, he was down. Now he's up, you're down. You see how it all evens out for me?"
- Jerry Seinfeld

In 2008, during the peak of the recent Alberta oil boom, oil was $140/bbl, the Cdn dollar was above parity with the USD, and home values were at all time highs as was my portfolio, 100% invested in my buy and hold forever asset mix of AAPL, potash and uranium-- no worries here- everyone needs food, energy and iPhones, right? "Fuck stops" was my motto; this shit "has to" go up forever...

I was working retardo hours, as was everyone else in this province, on what seemed like the never ending money train, printing $6500 per week after taxes; and my YTD gross earnings at lifetime fucking highs. We were all rich and fucking geniuses, doing lines of blow atop escorts. Life was good indeed.

Little did I know at the time, mostly because I was too fucking cocky, too fucking complacent, and too fucking busy to pay attention what was going on in the world around me; my portfolio was suddenly losing $10K a day and was quickly going to $00.00.  By the time I finally took notice, it was already too late and everything else was going to shit and more. The Cdn dollar was teasing $0.70US on a good day, oil went to $35/bbl, and we were all wondering if we were still going to have jobs the next day, every day we showed up to work... the universe's great balancing act...

Just last weekend, as I had mentioned in earlier posts, 18 co-workers had just won the lottery, splitting over $20 million among them. I stewed over it for a few days because it stings;  it is still the hottest topic at work and I am reminded every fucking day as I used to be part of that group a couple of years ago.

I left the group because we had already won a 5 of 6 number draw-potting us a whopping $630 each, only to give it all back in the following weeks buying more tickets. I figured fuck this fucking shit, "lightening never hits the same place twice" and at the time our numbers couldn't hit a dirty vag in a whorehouse nevermind a free ticket!  Plus being cheap as fuck doesn't help my cause either... I've got better things to do with my money!!

The thing is, there's probably at least a half more dozen peeps on suicide watch now, as I know there are guys out there who've donated much more and for longer into that lottery fund than I, and either got laid off or left this job to find greener pastures elsewhere.

For me, this hurts like a missed opportunity, like selling a stock way too fucking early... Well to add to my slap in the face with hot pizza slices, I blew out my 500 shares of LNKD and 3000 shares of KORS earlier this year as part of my 'sell in May and go away event', only to see both rip tits to all time highs yesterday and now looking at my YTD on my paycheque, well, fuck me over gently, it's at 10-year lows.

Seeing how everyone else get cocaine fever yesterday, with the ECB firing up the presses, as a trader I needed to get my fucking head outta my ass and stop moping over the "shoulda, coulda, woulda's" and start looking at the "now and next".

Well, lo and behold! AAPL is at all time fucking highs! You know what that means? My portfolio is at all time fucking highs too! Timestamp that bitches! 

Funny how things even out. I'm 'Even Steven'. Time to join the cocaine party.

Envy in Its Finest Hour...

Who wants to talk stocks when there's 18 newly minted millionaires, that you know personally and work with, running around the jungle with erect penises, talking shit, doing lines of blow atop fine escorts...

Apologies as I've dwelled on this subject for the last few days as many of my colleagues have. Fuck me running sideways racing a gay alligator driving a minivan around the West Edmonton Mall parking lot, it's still the talk of the town here and not only because we got a pool at work going now who's gonna lose it all first..

Each winner, a salt of the Earth kind of guy, with his own unique story to tell, I'm sure, about their lifetime of hardships and their own dream finally coming true...

17 of 18 new millionaires...

Well.. get your own fucking blog, this shit is about me.


While I am happier than a pig in shit for each one of the 18 working stiffs who finally got their kick at the can and glad it's not the 80 year old oil executive single lotto winner with cancer and no heirs that you usually read about in the paper, I do admit there's envy here. I'm human, how can I not be envious? And really, a million is a not whole lot of money; If a milly was the magic number one at my age could retire on right the fuck now, I would've done it years ago; cripes, I doubt if I could even trade stocks full time with that size of float, even with my piker lifestyle.
 

Still, that's alot of "fuck you" money, cold hard liquid cash, to get, all in one ejaculation shot.  It took me years to accumulate that kind of wad in net worth,  at my turret on a daily basis, constantly on the lookout for the next GOOG, dodging munitions, Matrix-style, and putting up with all you dicksuckers and your sage advice on how AAPL is going to $00.00 because you so happen to feel the need to justify your big-screen Samsung phone purchase.

To this day, I spend countless hours studying gay charts and retarded trendlines, keeping up on all the bullshit news, putting my testicles on the counter while speed chopping carrots, anticipating at any second, some fucktard out of Europe may say something and make everything magically disappear; but, in the back of mind, I can't help thinking maybe I should've been buying lotto tickets all this time instead of juggling pinless hand grenades... 

The feeling is akin to training at the gym; sweating your bag off, throwing iron around for years and some skinny fuck walks in off the street, sticks a syringe in between his toes, and pounds out the same weight and number of reps as you just did on the bench press; except in this case there's 18 of them skinny fucks, and they're all in front of you at the water fountain...  I think what truly gets my goat is the fact that I gotta run around at work even more now to cover for these fuckers; laugh it up but if you had 18 guys at your workplace just get up and leave, even just to take the week off, tell me that doesn't disrupt the workplace at all.

Mind you, if that was me that won the lottery, and I didn't blow it all in one shot that same evening by putting it all on red and letting it ride like the degenerate OTB guy that I am, I'd probably be in the same boat... Actually I would still show up to work just to fuck with guys and see how long it would take them to fire my ass.  Why not? I'd be testing people to see what their "number" was, getting them to do all sorts of stupid dog tricks and shit... "OK would you take 5 grand to shit on that guy's desk...no? How 'bout 10? "  "25G's to anyone that will take that crane over there and put that guy's car on top of that 200' tower over there.." 

Sigh... back at 'er... at least AAPL is green this morning...

Happy Birthday Fucked Face... AAPL to $85...

I would like to express my gratitude to all those that wished me a "Happy Birthday" this past weekend with a polite 'fuck you very much'.

Please do not take offense to my 4-letter lack of benediction; you see, I'm just not that into birthdays, especially mine... And I stopped years ago acknowledging any well- intended wishes past 12 noon on this day... much like April Fool's Day...

Seriously, what are you really wishing for me here? "Congrats ya old fucker, you're even older now! HAHA!!"

And I'm supposed to celebrate the grandeur of being one year closer to my wheelchair next to an idle manhole with the ill-proportioned consumption of cake and extreme opulent gluttony?? Surely you jest. In all honesty, I think you just want cake and you're all happy I can still chew my own food and haven't shit my pants yet.

It was exactly 4 years ago, on my birthday in 2008, I partied hardy, ranted and raved, laughed and drank, not exactly in that order, but pretty fucking close. I celebrated via dancing on the heads of vagrants, kicking politicians down moving escalators, and mocking old fuckers buying homes they couldn't afford, while talking shit about outsized gains, making a small fortune buying AAPL and Potash stocks; and how I went from basement poor, plebbing along the streets of Wall and Bay, dressed in burlap and velcro to penthouse rich, with cocaine dinner party extravagance while punching random people in the face as I pleased.

Little did I know at the time, this birthday, my birthday, marked the beginning of the end, the worst case scenario had happened, capital losses, spawned from hell, were doled out judiciously, packaged with care, and hand delivered to my front door... AAPL went from $175 to $85 by month's end, POT from $179 to $77... By the official start of the Great Crash of 2008 on October 6th, when the DOW dropped off a cliff, losing 2400 pts in 8 days, I was already dead...

Death in pictures...

"Happy birthday, fucked face", my brokerage firm said to me as they pulled my 'VIP' status and preferred client rates away... "No soup for you".. indeed.

What's my point here?

Answer: Birthdays are for kids, silly rabbit. And suckers. Markets don't give two fucks about them and neither do you.


UPDATE: To make my birthday that much more extra special this year, I have been informed a group of guys of which I work with, have just won $20 million dollars in the lottery.  I quit buying weekly lottery tickets with this group a year and a half ago... FML.