On the Road Again...

Back on the road again..

The family truckster currently smells of day-old puke of a certain 6-yr old mixed in with the sweet aroma of foot and ass rot with a hint of "Royal Pine" car freshener after yesterday's 17.5 hour driving stint....

I'd look at my stocks but they're fucked now; my portfolio is billowing black smoke and certain death as it is comprised of metal shrapnel and skeleton dust; soon to be used as fertilizer in Monsanto's fine GMO corn fields...

$AAPL Earnings Call To Go Please...

Fuck Spain; Greece who?? It's all about $AAPL today bitches...

On the road again today....

Please be mindful of small children playing on any major thoroughfares and Interstates as I pass by doing 200mph in my packed-to-the-fucking-nines Family truckster, driving on two wheels, both eyes on my iPhone screen, knee on the steering wheel, wiping cocaine on my sleeve, erect penis in one hand and the other hand fully out the window waving "Aloha!" with my middle finger...

$T and $VZ handily beat expectations for iPhone activations by a wide margin. iPad drove the quarter.

And you know what that means for $AAPL earnings-- reporting today after the bell... Consider this: every 1 million iPhones shipped equates to $650 million in revenue for $AAPL...

Good Morning $$

Buying Homes Is ALWAYS Better Than Stocks. Don't You Know We're Different Here??

Meet Mary Cleaver. Vancouver area realtor. Recently becoming quite famous for her views on Canadian Real Estate, in particular Vancouver real estate.

 I'd like you stock people here to meet her and see for your own eyes as a testament as to what Canadian investors, like yours truly, must deal with on a daily basis for the last fucking decade-- a constant bombardment of investment advice by so-called self proclaimed gurus to buy real estate over stocks.

 "Don't you know we're different here?"

No fucking way will we ever be like those dumbass American folk, who blew themselves up for being too greedy. It's their own fault.   In Canada, we've got oil and natural resources, better banks, cel phones with keyboards, and Lululemon pants.  Housing, may have little pullbacks from time to time, but will ALWAYS GO UP.

 ALWAYS. 

AND, Real Estate IS ALWAYS A BETTER INVESTMENT THAN STOCKS. 

ALWAYS.

 WARNING: You American readers may recognize this shit as Deja Vu circa 2005...

 It's a shame her YouTube vids have been taken down due to all the doomers bashing her. But, here's a clip from her blog:

  Q: My question is about real estate as an investment. With the high cost of property in Vancouver, why should I buy a condo when I can rent? I can put the money I would’ve spent on a down payment in the stock market. A:  I asked a similar question of my REALTOR® five years ago. I had purchased a two-bedroom condo in Fairview in 2003. In 2006, my then financial advisor suggested that if I sold the property and gave the profit to him to invest on my behalf, that I could do very well. I liked the idea because I knew the value of my home had appreciated substantially in those three years, and it made some sense to me to “lock in those profits.” I called my REALTOR® to ask his opinion. He reminded me that Vancouver real estate prices rise over time and that if I got out of the market, prices could well increase to the point that I wouldn’t be able to get back in. He advised me to hold onto my investment – my home – and said, “real estate will always stand you in good stead, Mary.” His advice was worth a lot because I would have listed with him. He had nothing to gain by convincing me to stay put. Incidentally, this experience was pivotal in my life because I was inspired by his unselfish counsel to aspire to a career in real estate for myself. I didn’t sell my apartment at that time. Instead, I sold it three years later. The profit along with the equity realized from paying the mortgage over six years allowed us to purchase a townhome large enough to house our family of three with a baby on the way. Meanwhile, the stock market had been sent for an absolute loop with the financial crisis in late 2008, and while I lost some money, I was glad not to have had all my eggs in that basket. I had a debate with someone in the banking industry recently who doesn’t share my view that Vancouver real estate is the best investment, given the price increases of the last several years. He believes that the market is over-valued and there is more money to be made in the stock market for savvy investors. He cited the fact that the collective value of the TSX increases over time, just like the value of property does. Here is why real estate wins. Almost without exception, every property in Vancouver that was purchased five years ago is worth more today – condos, townhouses, and detached homes­ in almost every area. The same cannot be said for individual stocks on the TSX. Some have gone up exponentially and others have gone to zero. Even sophisticated investors make mistakes, and most of us are not sophisticated investors. It is worth noting that for all investments, including real estate, we are wise to invest for the long term.   There is another factor that tips the scales in favour of property ownership as an investment vehicle. When we buy a home, we commonly come up with the down payment and borrow the rest. Currently, this borrowed money is offered at extremely low interest rates. The upside is that the value of your investment is the entire purchase price, not only the dollar figure that you actually invested, and it is that entire purchase price amount that appreciates over time. I’ll go back to my experience for an illustration. I purchased my $300,000 strata unit with $30,000 down, plus $5000 in closing costs. My investment of $35,000 made me close to $200,000 in six years because it was the value of the property that was appreciating, not the dollars I put in from my pocket. I don’t include the monthly payments as part of my investment because I consider those payments to be the cost of a roof over my head. I would have paid a similar amount of money in rent had I not owned. The key point here is not the exact dollar figure I made in a relatively short time. We may see slower growth in condo prices in the next few years. I don’t know and neither does anyone else. But whatever the percentage of growth is year over year; that percentage is based on the investment’s entire value. The case becomes more compelling still when you factor in the incentives offered by the federal government for first-time home buyers (which I’ll cover in detail in a future column), as well as the fact that there is no capital gains tax on any profit made from selling your principal residence. All this investment potential is, of course, in addition to the pride you feel in home ownership, the knowledge that you cannot be evicted, and the stability of your monthly cost of housing if you lock in to a fixed-term mortgage. Home ownership offers incalculable benefits unrelated to property as an investment. While none of us can predict with certainty the way markets will behave over a given period of time, clearly the past is our best indication of the future. I’ve invested in mutual funds and individual stocks for close to twenty years. I’ve worked with Scotiabank, Sun Life, and Jennings Capital on those investments. I’ve also owned three principal residences over a similar timeframe. I have made more money in real estate than with any of my other investments.  It’s not even a close contest. My story is only one example. Think about the people in your life and ask them about their experience. I talk to friends, family members, and clients about financial matters frequently and I don’t know anyone who has added more to their net worth by investing in mutual funds or individual stocks than they have by investing in their own homes. Do you?

Fuck You and The Dick You Rode In On, You're Banned.

Yesterday I had to block some fucked up loser of the first order talking shit on my Stocktwits and Twitter stream.

I don't usually get annoyed with small plebs talking shit and really quite enjoy going a few rounds of punching complete strangers in the fucking face with animalistic violence over the internets. But like fuck do I have the time or patience or tolerance levels to put up with little whiny bitches that add no value or intelligence to their arguments.

So I made an outrageous EPS call on $ZNGA that you don't agree with-- saying it would beat top line but miss on revs. You fuckheads asked why I would say such garbage. I replied they've beat EPS in the past so analysts will tend to underestimate EPS but with Facebook user growth slowing and not being able to play their games over a FB mobile platform concerns me hence they may miss on revenues.  


Then this fuckface starts wigging out like some fucking belligerent asshole maniac chewing on lemons saying I had no clue what I was talking about; then taunts and insults me and continue to preach to me that twitter and stocktwits was about helping people and I was just posting utter shit. When I told him to relax, it was just an opinion-- MY OPINION ONLY; $ZNGA is down over 50% since IPO for the same reasons I stated above, he continued to talk smack and wants "to go" toe to toe, face to face, mano-a-mano in person... 

First of all, FUCK YOU. 


Secondly, FUCK YOU.  


So the fuck what?? Who gives a flying fuck and a retarded goat what I have to say?? Markets and stocks don't give a shit about what I think, nor what YOU think. Does it matter to any degenerate trader or riverboat gambler for that matter if you or I am wrong?? We trade what we see, not what we think. Only PRICE and VOLUME matter, no?


Listen up small pleb and take this message to heart as it is being delivered with the utmost spite as humanly and inhumanly possible. If you are making your investment decisions based on the advice or "calls" from complete fucking strangers over Facebook or Twitter, you fully deserve to be bowled over and tortured via dick guillotines-- perhaps mopping floors at the 7-11 should prove to be a more profitable investment strategy. And, if you continue to let your puny shit for brains act in full retard mode in my presence, talking shit to me over twitter, Facebook, or my blogs, and do so without intelligence or class, enjoy your 2 seconds of fame but prepare to accept your fate and be blocked and banned, then violently dispatched to the tar pits where you will await to be doused in piss and gasoline and lit afire. 


I will continue to make outrageous calls in the market as I see fit. Why? Because I CAN. Do your own fucking DD or get the fuck out of the markets fuckface.

Spain and Greece giving reason to hate stocks this morning. $MCD blowing their ER not helping. Markets are in full retard fuck you we're all dead mode.  Trade accordingly.

Jeezus Fuck Peeps, Just What the Fuck Are You Lacing Your Cocaine with???

For the love of monkeys in Shriner's hats riding bicycles, just when you thought our mortgage debt was finally going to be reigned in, Canadians are going out and taking out 8 fucking year mortgages on their cars!!  I had no idea you could even take out longer than 60 months for cars (I’m pretty sure that was the highest the last time I happened to take a look-see); proof showing Canadians are still high and continue to light up on today’s easy credit/ loose lending situation.

“More than half the Canadian car buyers who borrow to finance their vehicle purchases are taking out loans longer than six years, according to new data from J.D. Power and Associates.”

Read More at The Globe and Mail here.

At least our student loan debts are still somewhat under control (though you’d never believe it given Montreal’s protests) relative to the USA.  

HAHAHAHA!! Yeah right. Fuck, we're still hiding within the safe confines of our real estate bubble to give two fucks and a retarded goat about student loans!!

I Need Holiday From My Holiday....

I need a holiday from my holiday.

My deepest sympathies and condolences go out to the friends and families who lost loved ones a couple days ago in Denver.

While a great many of you are practicing the fine art of degeneracy, glomming over some psychopath with a bone to pick, who opened fire in a movie theatre in Denver and blaming the violence on video games and Rap music rather than your own asshat parenting skills, I am spending my time, as old fuckers do, by the beer fridge, grilling up dead animals and swilling on cans of Red Bull and "Chillatas" while soaking up all sorts of lavish gratuities.

I remain fixated on markets and charts as the tape on friday was bleeding out with black smoke and death. Yet, being close to annual highs, I am hedged with $AAPL longs and await the delivery of cocaine upon its earnings call next week.

After falling victim to southern BC's recent power outage crisis from some devastating winds taking out a few power lines and all local news as to what the fuck was going on was only transmitted via Facebook and Twitter as all the local news agency and media towers were all offline due to the outage too,  I found myself having to "rough it" in a hotel of all things, charging my iPhone via the cigarette lighter in my fucking minivan, wondering if it will run out of fuel before finding the next available gas station with a working pump, all the while hobnobbing and borrowing campfire shit to cook the kids supper from shirtless rednecks in cutoff jeans and sharing trashcans and toiletries with drunken hippie schlubs with big trucks.

I'm beginning to think those crazy psychopathic bastards in the Eurozone are really onto something...

The EU Supreme Court of Justice ruled last week in favour of workers being able to RECLAIM any lost holiday time due to illness. In fact, this ruling is binding to all employers throughout the EU, including Britain.

No doubt all you pikers are probably thinking "what kind of commie-ass Karl Marx bullshit is this??" If you get sick during your holiday that's just too fucking bad; How can anyone EXPECT another paid vacation just because you happen to get a fucking sniffle??

AND, considering most of these Euro- countries are just finishing up some final touches on their bailout packages or groaning under the crushing weight of their own debt and staggering unemployment problems, how preposterous of a ruling is this?? Do they not realize the crisis they are in??

Now hold on a cotton picking second here... Like you vagrants give two fucks and a gay giraffe about democracy and capitalism and freedom all of a sudden?? We're fighting fictitious wars on terrorism, spending trillions bailing out cocksucking banks that contribute nothing to society other than lining their manager's pockets and keeping interest rates at emergency levels so Big Oil can have their way with the rest of society's asses, all the while permitting fat-faced degenerates to fondle our grandparents and molest our children in our airports and our borders, and picking up the tab for our politicians' airfare on private jets so they can suck up to Hollywood whores and professional athletes jacked on steroids and coke in the name of "drumming up some business"...

So what's wrong with taking take care of the working stiff for a change then? Isn't the "consumer" the most important part of any economy?? A couple of extra days off with pay so "the working man" can save the global economy once AGAIN isn't too much to ask in my books... we'll just ask Mr. Bernanke and his Central Banker cronies to fire up the printing presses.. What's another trillion fucking dollars of counterfeit money anyways??

Have a nice weekend.