Here's Your Fucking Timestamp Bitches...

Took some $AAPL off the table with it going full retard to the upside this morning on news of fuck all and rumours of everything under the sun...

TIMESTAMP THIS bitch: +13% from July 26th buypoint.

And, As expected, just as it always does, AAPL goes on another gorilla run as soon as I sell...  But I'm not gonna get too greedy here... September always tends to punch AAPL in the cock...

I do expect share price to touch the bottom BB as it did in 2010 and 2011 around this time of year...  in which I will load up stupid as fuck amounts of longs for the Christmas run up...

The only problem I can see with waiting on AAPL share price to breach that bottom Bollinger Band while everyone else is banking coin on my watch, is my patience is like a fruit fly's, hovering above newly minted dogshit on a hot sunny day, when I got this much cash on hand...

Bask in It...

US housing finally bottoming and finally gaining some traction; there will be no housing crash in Canada as per CMHC; home prices to grow ONLY 2% into 2013, but will continue to go UP forever and more, and Alberta is gonna lead the way with oil prices at 3- month highs and ramping into the 100 roll again; major indexes are teasing all-time highs- doubling that of the 2009 lows...

But...  But.. What about the recent misses in claims, housing, philly fed and collapse in number of employees?? No Jobs? Less Manufacturing? Consumer confidence down? All that debt??

Now what in the fuck does that have anything to do with the economy???

You see, that shit only matters when they go UP.. Like oil. Capiche?

Do you not see what markets are telling you? Costanza is alive and well and most importantly, HE HAS YOUR BACK.

So bask in the splendor and glory of it all, for it is time to eat beluga caviar and drink Romanee Conti from diamond-encrusted chalices in the company of escorts again, while we mock vagrant plebs that rent apartments and feel bad for the unemployed.  The governments have cocaine; the world is saved and everything is grand. These are ebullient times indeed as life could not be better for the "haves". If you are not in the club, maybe try a little harder and quit letting that shit inside your head get in the way of making a good decision or two....


RIP Adobe Flash. Good Riddance...

BREAKING: Goodbye Adobe Flash on Androids. Hello HTML5.

I, for one, am certainly glad we are done with all the "yeah but it has flash" bullshit.
Stevie J. had right all along...

Read about it here: http://stks.co/l8gP

TIMESTAMP: I Shit My Pants......

Fuck you and your "TIME STAMPING" trades.

The only person that gives two fucks about MY portfolio is yours truly.

I made a valiant attempt at doing that shit in the past on Twitter thinking it may earn some kind of 'respect' from all you other trader schmoes but soon realized, that's fucked. Who the fuck cares?? That's no different than trying to keep up with the fucking Joneses! 

"Timestamp! New granite countertops!! $5 Grand. Called it!!"

"Trip to Mexico! Again! Timestamp!" 

So this is supposed to make me more credible?? Fuck you guys.

Unless of course I was selling a paid service and needed to "prove my worth" to all you fucking plebs out there, then and only then, I can see a point to all this "timestaping" bullshit. Isn't there enough of these Timothy Sykes fucktards out there already...?  Then there's that "Florida" guy...

I am NO professional market maker and have no agenda to seek to be a "tabbed" or paid blogger....  A great many of you are used to these 2-bit hucksters begging for your business or your pity or at minimum, an 'attaboy' for all your efforts.   Then, there are those of you fucktards who feel they are doing "great deeds" or "saving" us all from moral decay and evil bankers and shyster real estate guys... thinking yourselves as some sort of superhero caped crusader hellbent on "fixing things" thru blogging and accumulating Facebook 'Likes'...  I don't blame you for your biased opinion about people like me nor do I give a fuck.

Well go Disney your fat ass elsewhere, I'm not that guy. 

I came to these "hallowed halls" seeking entertainment, new ideas, and comraderie with 'like-minded' individuals. Also, to document my own narrow-minded ideas and experiences as a degenerate trader and to save my wife, who already thinks I literally jumped off the fucking deep end, from listening to me rant every 10 fucking minutes about Wall Street and shit.

Anyways, I see all my AAPL SELL triggers got hit on the 14th and I should have been taking in some egregious profits now that the divvy has been already doled out... but, in this fucktarded method I trust, I ain't selling jack shit yet...

On the 14th I did set a SELL order for $640.00 and raised my stop to $624 (the LOD for the previous day) yet it never got filled as HOD was $638.61..  Since some of us pikers haven't given up our day jobs to become degenerate OTB guys yet, I didn't get the chance to throw in another order... 

Today I see AAPL is teasing he upper Bollinger Band again so I set my SELL order today just under the $645.29.. at $641.00, which is also the 'all time highs' resistance.   

Yes, I probably missed out on quite a few profits, but the whole point of this method I have been experimenting with is to trade less especially during the tedious summer months...

Wow. The Blow Is Really That Good Here...

For the love of metrosexual men dressed in clown suits sticking their fat faces into the mouths of hungry gay lions, looks like we're still at it up here in Canada...

Not that I would want a US-style housing crash, ala Garth Turner, on my hands, but does no one else think the fucking lines of coke are getting a tad out of hand?? We're on the brink in my books...

Check out this beauty 1942 Bung with 2-BDRM, 2-bath in Etobicoke, Toronto for instance...

Interesting that this place could barely sell in 2010 (listed at $389,000, then $374,000, before selling for $363k)… then it gets flipped 2 years later listed at $469,000 before selling for a whopping $521,000 in a fucking bidding war with only seven days on the market. Wow.

And here are the selling features you get for your hard-earned half million, as per the realtor website:
"Charming Updated Lakeshore Village Cottage. Set On Premium 33' Lot With Private Drive. Fully Fenced Backyard With Perennial Garden, New Wood Deck And Cape-Cod Shed. Inside Has Been Lovingly Maintained With An Updated Country Kitchen, Refin. Hardwood Floors, Updated Bathroom, Newer Windows(Most), Furnace & A/C, Elec. Panel (100Amps).

Includes Samsung Cntr-Depth Fridge'10, Lg Gas Range'10, Samsung O/R Micro'10, Samsung D/W'10, Kenmore W&D, Elec. Fireplace W Remote, All Built-In Cabinets, All E.L.Fs & Window Treatments, Hot Water Tank(Owned), Gb&E '07, Cac '07

Amenities: Steps To Lake, Sam Smith Park, 24Hr Rabba, Ttc, And Humber College. Tennis Courts, Baseball Diamond And Public Pool At End Of Street." 
Rumour has it, it sold on the condition of number of pot lights and spray foam insulation...

Woo Hoo! Got Me a Bonus Cheque..!

Apple's Hottest New Release: A quarterly dividend! First one Apple has ever paid out in 17 fucking years!!

And I see the AAPL Dividend payment is already in my account this morning! A cool $2.65 per share at a time my AAPL holdings are peaking at 75% of my portfolio...

Over the next three years, Apple has stated that its buyback and dividend plans will distribute $45 billion from its cash hoard. With the company's 935 million shares outstanding, the quarterly dividend will fork over nearly $2.5 billy to investors each Q!

Even with their "big miss" in the most recent June quarter, Apple still miraculously announced the accumulation of an additional $7 billion in fucking cash; so the payment of $2.5 billion in dividends will not reduce Apple's cash hoard, nor even stop it from growing past its current height at $117 billion.

Thing is, though the company's current dividend payment rate is seemingly cheap-as-fuck when looking at its current and future cash positions, at the same time, Apple's $2.5 billion in quarterly dividend payments makes it still one of the highest dividend payers in the U.S.


Want a $2 Million Portfolio? Have Another Sip of the Kool-Aid...

No joke, this fucking guy is for real....

Want a portfolio of $2 million with residual passive income of $100K per year by age 55??

Yes? Then read on....

You see, stocks are for suckers and riverboat gamblers obviously...  Here's some investment advice from AJ, some real estate guru in Kelowa, BC, Canada for all you pikers out there aiming bank coin after 30 and retire by 55...

How does today's 30 year old retire at 55?

Aug 13, 2012 / 1:54 pm

How does today's 30 yr. old ensure he retires rich at 55?

After just turning 30 this summer I've had this overwhelming feeling that it's time to get serious about the future. Time for Dreams to become plans and plans into action. At the top of any 30 year olds list has got to be not only retiring rich but retiring young. Not that my dad would ever hear me admit this but 55 is still very young, especially these days with the advances in modern medicine. So how does one make sure they've got the means to enjoy the empty nest years? And what does it really take to ensure a comfortable retirement and nice legacy for our children?

It seems to me that 2 million dollars and 100k per year in passive income would tic both boxes by most peoples standards. OK but how does someone with no pension plan, zero faith in governed CPP and a shaky history with RRSP's put his vision of retirement not only in motion, but on auto pilot?

Well assuming for this example that life's most effective bank account draining creatures called kids appear in approx. 5 years, we've got a window to take this disposable income and put some of it to good use. This plan involves the investment in 3 rental properties at an average value of 250k that have positive cash flow purchased over a 5-year span. A person’s plan to have kids or not is not the crux of this plan; I just work better with a deadline! Thanks to a very handy app on my IPad that saved me hours of algebra and a solid understanding of market fundamentals, I was able to come up with the simplest formula to achieve the 2 million dollar portfolio with 100k income.

Acquiring real estate holdings beyond the primary residence is something that many cultures seem to grasp a lot better than the average Canadian. I can't tell you how many elder Europeans and Asians I've encountered with massive portfolios of real estate worth millions despite their modest earnings their entire career. So what does it really take? What is the real commitment here? Simply put, it starts with 50k representing your 20 % down payment on your first quarter million dollar holding property. It also requires reasonable credit and reasonable income, nothing fancy.

After the first one, the clock starts. Sometime over the next 3 years it's your mission to generate or find the next 50 k down payment and once more in the following 2 years. For some it will be diligent saving by living within their means. For others it will require proceeds from property flips or some other successful venture. And for many it will be borrowed from their primary residence with a credit line, or any combination of the above. The bottom line is it’s not all that difficult. It starts with a decision; followed by seeking some help from professionals like realtors, mortgage brokers and financial planners to help you maximize your returns. There all kinds of nuances that can take this plan and ramp it up even further, but the nuts and bolts of it couldn't be simpler.

So now after all that I better explain the numbers and show the example in action. Some very conservative assumptions have been made for the purposes of this example the historic appreciation rate of real estate (5%) and the historic inflation rate of rents and expenses (3%) applied to a 25 year timeline for holding 3 investment properties bought at various stages of the first 5 years. Here are the highlights however the entire investment picture can be found in PDF by clicking here.

Total Portfolio value in 25 years $2,276,913

Annual net revenues from rent $ 102,844

25 year Return on Investment 2,055%

Skeptics may say this is pie in the sky; however I believe it is very conservative to expect the 250k house in Kelowna to be 750k after 2 complete market cycles. One look at what people pay over a million for only a 48 min flight away at this very moment and a glance at any real estate price index chart for the past 100 years and it would be tough to refute. If the growth we've had in the 25 years in Kelowna while I've been here is any indication of what's to come, the future is very bright indeed for our beautiful lake city.

This model applies whether you're 20 or starting at 50. The 30 to 55 illustration works because it fits the social norms but the reality is it’s never too soon or too late to implement an investment strategy like this. In fact I started this at 20 and I expect I will be doing it at 80. The moral to the story is a wise man doesn't wait to buy real estate; he buys real estate and then waits..

Fuck me running sideways with a gay giraffe driving a minivan, we really are "different here".  Welcome to Canada. The blow is THAT good here...


On Trading AAPL...

As a long time trader of $AAPL since the days of the first iPod,  I am always looking for new ideas, new strategies to trade my favourite stock...

AAPL has always been THE MOST frustrating stock to trade as just when you don't expect it to, it will rip the fuck higher or get punched in the face for no reason whatsoever on any given day. Buying on the dip has always been followed by me kicking myself in the nads only to see it fall lower and taking profits now and then has always led to me losing my shares prematurely and having to chase it the fuck up later.  Shit like moving averages, stochastics, and MACD, I have found with AAPL to be 'lagging indicators' and you are usually too fucking late for the cocaine party or left waiting for dogshit to smell pretty again; this is especially amplified when dealing with fucktarded gap ups or gap downs and little bitch Samsung rumours on a daily basis.

Typically when I am trading on a very short term basis like a fucking coke-addled baboon, I like to use the buying higher highs and sell on lower lows strategy or micro-trends.  And, I have been known to play with swing points with little success... Though I primarily like to use fundamentals as a basis for most my research on stocks, I love the use of technicals to eliminate noise and emotion when trading stocks.

Most recently I have taken on a whole new paradigm in thinking with respect to AAPL's stock price and how it is manipulated via the options markets.  I've been experimenting with Travis Lewis at AAPLPAIN.COM's poor mans algo and OI/Max pain theory to trade a small allocation of AAPL longs every week and it has been going quite swimmingly...though I've held off selling these shares the last 2 weeks to get in on the AAPL divvy ramp up.

Another strategy I have been using the last 2 years, I have found quite successful, especially when markets turn to shit during the summer doldrums months and I am feeling I need to slow the fuck down and trade less or risk surprise sex or spontaneous de-cocking, is using Bollinger Bands, RSI, and the Commodity Channel Index (CCI) to indicate oversold or overbought conditions.

As shown above, my BUY or ADD points are when the CCI shows an oversold signal going below the -100 line, share price breaches the bottom Bollinger band, and RSI Oscillator (set at 9 periods) falls below the 30 line; all hit its triggers at the SAME time.

When taking profits, one can use the same strategy but in reverse. So when share price breachs the upper BB band, RSI goes above the 70 line, and CCI is above the +100, time to take profits.  I have noticed when the overall market and AAPL goes on an all out gorilla run for the ages, like it did from January to April this year, a lot of profits are left on the table using this method as a SELL strategy. In cases like this, instead of selling, I will use a trailing stop, raising it as AAPL share price does lines of blow.

So is it time to SELL now? Well, I'm definitely taking a closer look and raising my stops as its share price touches the upper BB band again near $639... and all other indicators are screaming "SELL"...  using this method, I have also found you STILL gotta respect those degenerate options guys before hitting any buttons, BUY or SELL....

If all else fails, it has been an age old proven strategy to buy AAPL on any dip, forget about it, and hold it forever and then some. 

Disclaimer: I am stupid-as-fuck long AAPL.

Kids Talking Shit... Oh How I Admire Thee...

Sometimes finding shit to rant about this time of year is nearly impossible due to fucking markets either slowing, ho'ing, or blowing; and in most cases, all of the above. 

In the words of Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess:

I’m oftened haunted by a thought that with all the great writers and thinkers in the world that there is no original thought left, that I’ll never string together a truly innovative series of words or write something that hasn’t already been said in far better ways. Still, I struggle to string together pretty words in my notebook, always disappointed in the results. My two-year old looks at me quizzically and and I tell her I’m writing a story. She looks at my scrawling, carefully studying me, and then says “You’re drawing your ideas?” And yeah, that’s exactly what I’m doing. “Drawing my ideas.” It’s a briliant piece of phrasing really, better than anything I could have come up with.

She does that a lot.

Her little mind is still soft, and logic isn’t a barrier to her like it is to me. She doesn’t use the crutch of overused phrases because she doesn’t know them. She’s forced to build her own. I envy her that. The last bastian of truly original thought belongs to toddlers and psychotics, a kind of erratic reasoning and creative well-spring that most of us are “cured” of over time.

At night she calls out sometimes, crying about how a witch flies into her room. I tell her that I’ve put up an anti-broomstick net around the house to keep out any witches and she shakes her head. “No mommy, the witches are flies. They sneak in under the doors. You have to hum them to sleep so they’ll feel better and sleep.” I hum to invisible witch-flies in the night. I’m told they all fell asleep on the spiderweb outside her window. I wouldn’t know. I can’t see them like she does.

There’s a secret magic moving about our house, visible only to her. I listen to my two-year old as she pulls an egg from the refrigerator and delicately holds it up to her ear.

“Hush, mommy. You’ll wake up the spiders.”

“Spiders? Those are just chicken eggs, baby.”

“No mommy,” she whispers as she holds it out to me. “These are spiders eggs. All spinnely and slippety. You hear them, mommy?”

No, baby. I can’t hear them.

God, I wish I still could.

Pure genius. Upon reading this, I am reminded of a similar post I did in May when talking about the "Birds and the Bees"  with my youngest son on his birthday this past year....

Being educated tonight by the 5 year old while he is tapping furiously on his iPod Touch, massacring zombies and shit:

Tristan: " I don't remember Evan (his older brother) as a baby because I was in Mom's belly and I couldn't see..."

Me: "Oh really. How'd you get in mom's belly?? Did she eat you like a hamburger?"

T: "NO!! You're just silly dad... "

"Mom's heart made me in her belly... in humans, the moms take care of the baby... For penguins the dads carry the baby.."

Me: "Soo.. do penguin Daddy hearts make baby penguins then?"

T: "NO!!... penguins don't have hearts, they just have bones.."

The brilliant mind of a 5 year old... cherish it. He turns 6 tomorrow... Happy Birthday Tristan.

Even if you think you've got fuck all to say, there's no doubt in my mind, your kid will always have the words, and no problem telling you... Cherish it. Again.

The Truth.. Ya Can't Say This Shit Much Better Than This...

In the immortal words of our grand poohbah and blogfather on iBC, George Hamilton, Senor Tropicana, Horatio Clawhammer, or as most know him, Le Fly:  The Truth:

Groupon and Zynga Both Suck Dick

By The Fly – Mon Aug 13, 2012 10:18pm

In the future, when people google the words “Groupon” or “Zynga”, to learn about what these companies were all about, I want this post to be the number 1 result.

Why do I want this?

I do not desire #1 page rank for selfish reasons–quite the opposite, actually. I want the people to know that both ZNGA and GRPN sucked dick, frauds sent to us by the criminals at Margin Stanley, and did so without dignified decorum.

Since the days of the dot bomb, I’ve never seen such carnage take place in “buzz word” stocks that were thrusted upon the retail investor–like today’s social media catastrophe.

Both ZNGA and GRPN are down a good 70% for the year, much more than that from the annual highs. This is not happenstance or accident, but by design! I dare say, the insiders and bankers alike knew the businesses were on the verge of slowing. The greedy vulture capitalists clamored for an exit. Instead of having the companies issue shares at reasonable valuations, knowing they were in the 9th inning of growth, all parties stole from the market, selling at the very top.

Some might say it is not the responsibility of the vulture capitalist or investment banker to offer a “fair price” to the unsuspecting retail investor. To them I say, when will integrity mean anything to you? Maybe now or tomorrow? How about ever?

The reason why most Americans would prefer to gouge out the eyes of their local banker, instead of shaking his hand, is because of shit like ZNGA, GRPN and most certainly FB.

In closing, CEO’s and employees of Groupon and Zynga: you suck dick and will continue to suck dick until your fat, bloated, pigshit companies wash away in the sands of time.




Things Just Don't Feel Right This Morning...

Trying to get in a good back workout at the gym with a few chinups and deadlifts this morning... now, if only my guts would cooperate... Toxic waste is churning around in there like austerity measures in Europe...

It is obvious the ingestion of waay too many carbs in the form of stupid-as-fuck amounts of cake and Doritos, along with tepid 1-pint cans of "Bud Lite Chillatas" this past weekend at a birthday celebration of some friends of ours, is the culprit for my bowel's explosive volatility this morning, as my body seems to be re-entering some fucked up phase of ketosis, in my post-vacation low-carb diet...

I am quite elated, actually more thankful, the egregious expel of toxic methane vapours has not been of the familiar "moist" variety (no homo) and nobody had to die yet, but, I am quite sure my poor sphinter is going to pay with animalistic violence and medieval fury (no Pulp Fiction) for my erroneous pomp and circumstance later this afternoon...

Before we go any further, if any of you degenerate voyeurs that like to loiter here on a regular basis, are thinking of commenting with the usual  "eww.. You re so gross", "too much information" or " that's more than I want to know" bullshit, I'd like to politely interject and tell you all with the utmost sincerity and honesty to fuck right off.

Grow up already. Must I always have to remind you my blogs and Facebook wall is a venue for the mature viewing audience, where four-letter verbiage is the norm and we talk money and stocks and Wall Street shit like scholarly gentlemen.

You see, this is MY kitchen fuckface, and if I feel the need to shit on the fucking floor, I will.. (no Leslie Gore)...

Why? Because I CAN.

$AAPL dividend record day today...hence, I ain't selling shit just yet... Good Morning $$


Sorry Son, but You're Getting Jack Shit When We're Gone...

Ever wonder why your inheritance is going to be diddly squat?

Because your parents pissed it away on poor financial decisions. Like buying that fucking $1M fixer-upper...

 So take heed fuckface.  Because the dumbass decisions you make today will leave you penniless by the time they grind your skeleton into dust for fertilizer...

 After thousands of years of civilization you’d think our ancestors could accumulate some wealth to pass on. Like fuck.

 More Here:http://www.planbeconomics.com/2012/08/06/study-many-americans-die-with-%E2%80%98virtually-no-financial-assets%E2%80%99/

The Millionaire Dick Next Door and How He Rolls...

Reuters reports that in 2009 there were 7.8 million millionaires in the United States alone.  In Canada,  with housing going up forever and more, according to the Financial Post, for every 100 households, there's 12.6 of them that would easily qualify in this not-so-exclusive anymore country club.

That’s a lot of fucking people, people. And the odds are very good that cocksucker asshat next door making all that racket and burning his fucking garbage in the front yard is one too....

"Fuck You, no fucking way, and that fucking dick doesn’t look anything like a fucking millionaire." You say?

Well, guess again fuckface.  Sure, you've been "holding your own" at keeping up with them fucking Joneses at the best of times but that fucker next door with the burlap hoodie with holes in it has been kicking your hind-side for a very long time now... You see, he's the 'Millionaire Next Door" and this is how he rolls..

From Len Penzo:

1. He always spends less than he earns. In fact his mantra is, over the long run, you’re better off if you strive to be anonymously rich rather than deceptively poor.

2. He knows that patience is a virtue. The odds are you won’t become a millionaire overnight. If you’re like him, your wealth will be accumulated gradually by diligently saving your money over multiple decades.

3. When you go to his modest three-bed two-bath house, you’re going to be drinking Folgers instead of Starbucks. And if you need a lift, well, you’re going to get a ride in his ten-year-old economy sedan. And if you think that makes him cheap, ask him if he cares. (He doesn’t.)

4. He pays off his credit cards in full every month. He’s smart enough to understand that if he can’t afford to pay cash for something, then he can’t afford it.

5. He realized early on that money does not buy happiness. If you’re looking for nirvana, you need to focus on attaining financial freedom.

6. He never forgets that financial freedom is a state of mind that comes from being debt free. Best of all, it can be attained regardless of your income level.

7. He knows that getting a second job not only increases the size of your bank account quicker but it also keeps you busy – and being busy makes it difficult to spend what you already have.

8. He understands that money is like a toddler; it is incapable of managing itself. After all, you can’t expect your money to grow and mature as it should without some form of credible money management.

9. He’s a big believer in paying yourself first. Paying yourself first is an essential tenet of personal finance and a great way to build your savings and instill financial discipline.

10. Although it’s possible to get rich if you spend your life making a living doing something you don’t enjoy, he wonders why you do. Life is too short.

11. He knows that failing to plan is the same as planning to fail. He also knows that the few millionaires that reached that milestone without a plan got there only because of dumb luck. It’s not enough to simply declare that you want to be financially free.

12. When it came time to set his savings goals, he wasn’t afraid to think big. Financial success demands that you have a vision that is significantly larger than you can currently deliver upon.

13. Over time, he found out that hard work can often help make up for a lot of financial mistakes – and you will make financial mistakes.

14. He realizes that stuff happens, that’s why you’re a fool if you don’t insure yourself against risk. Remember that the potential for bankruptcy is always just around the corner and can be triggered from multiple sources: the death of the family’s key bread winner, divorce, or disability that leads to a loss of work.

15. He understands that time is an ally of the young. He was fortunate enough to begin saving in his twenties so he could take maximum advantage of the power of compounding interest on his nest egg.

16. He knows that you can’t spend what you don’t see. You should use automatic paycheck deductions to build up your retirement and other savings accounts. As your salary increases you can painlessly increase the size of those deductions.

17. Even though he has a job that he loves, he doesn’t have to work anymore because everything he owns is paid for – and has been for years.

18. He’s not impressed that you drive an over-priced luxury car and live in a McMansion that’s two sizes too big for your family of four.

19. After six months of asking, he finally quit waiting for you to return his pruning shears. He broke down and bought himself a new pair last month. There’s no hard feelings though; he can afford it.

So that’s it. Now you know...still think you're better than that fucker next door? Think again.  You're better off keeping up with those Joneses...Carry on...

Here’s my Counter Offer; “Suck My Dick” – One Girls Story of trying to work in Professional Sports

From Deadspin:

Meet Taylor Grey Meyer, a 31-year-old resident of Coronado, Calif., who is a published writer, a licensed pilot, and has completed a master’s degree in sports commerce wanted to work for the San Diego Padres. 

Taylor Grey Meyer estimates that she applied for a job with the San Diego Padres at least 30 times since moving to Coronado, Calif. Initially, in the sales office; but as she was alternately rejected and ignored, she lowered her sights. This past March, she applied for a minimum-wage job selling tickets at Petco Park. This is what she heard back:
We want to thank you for your interest in the above mentioned position. We had many fine applicants for the position, including you. However, we have filled the position with someone whose background and credentials we feel best meet our needs at this time. We welcome you to apply for any future positions we have available that match your skills and experience.
The Hiring Manager for the "Ticket Seller - San Diego Padres (San Diego, CA)"
MLB Baseball Jobs
That was that. She gave up on the Padres, and gave up on ever hearing from them again, until this past Sunday morning, when this showed up in Meyer's inbox, from a manager in the sales office:
On Sun, Aug 5, 2012 at 10:09 AM, <[Redacted]@padres.com> wrote
Hi Taylor,
I wanted to reach out to you as you had previously applied for a position here with the Padres to join our Inside Sales Program. While it may not have been a fit at the time, we appreciate your interest in the position and encourage you to pursue your dream of working in professional sports.
With that being said, I wanted to make sure you are aware of an opportunity to get your start and to pursue a career in sports. Dr. Bill Sutton, author of Sports Marketing, has asked our organization to host the Sports Sales Combine here at Petco Park on September 14-15. It will be the first ever West Coast Combine! As a Combine attendee you would have the opportunity to spend quality time with the hiring managers for multiple teams from different leagues across the country.
Job seekers like you have found this to be the most authentic training and networking experience available. The sales managers who join us claim the Combine is the best recruiting tool for them. Having been to multiple combines myself, and hired numerous people from the events, I could think of NO better way to get a start in the sport industry. This event could change your whole career. I know it changed the lives of some of my staff.
Please note that this is NOT a job fair where participants spend a few minutes speaking with prospective employers. Over the two-day event, participants receive high-quality, one-on-one training from attending sales coaches and several unique opportunities to demonstrate their skills in addition to the hours spent with attending managers. You will have a chance to showcase your sales leadership skills as well.
We anticipate attending sales managers will be looking to fill 50+ jobs at the Combine. Teams from the MLB, NBA, NHL, NFL, MLS and college athletics all use the combine as a key source to find talent for their organizations. This is your chance to make an impression on ALL of them in one weekend. Also, what better place to network and learn for a weekend than San Diego, CA?
Taylor, as we look for the best young talent from across the country we wanted to make sure you were aware of the opportunity. You can find the combine application at Teamwork Online through the link below. I've also included a link to the Sports Sales Combine website.
Please do not hesitate to reach out to me should you have any questions about this special event.
All the Best,
The Sales Combine is just what it sounds like: a job fair, the chance to join thousands of other applicants for five minutes of face time with potential employers. All for the low, low price of $495. Here's what Meyer wrote back:
On Sun, Aug 5, 2012 at 11:56 AM, Taylor Grey Meyer <[Redacted]@gmail.com> wrote
Hi [Redacted],
I wanted to thank you for reaching out to me when thinking of ways to meet your quota for the Sports Sales Combine.
After careful review I must decline. I realize I may be burning a bridge here, but in the spirit of reciprocity, I would like to extend you a counter-offer to suck my dick. Clearly, I don't have one of these, so my offer makes about as much sense as yours. But for the price you're charging to attend the event, I'm sure I would have no problem borrowing one.
Managers like you have found this to be the most authentic training available. Real, hands-on experience getting you on your way to perfecting the techniques you will need to climb the corporate ladder. In these tough economic times, it's always good to widen your skill set.
Let's talk about why I wasn't a good fit with your organization. Was it my extensive education that made me less of a fit, that now paying $500 will allow me to overcome? My graduate work in sports commerce? Being a law student, working toward becoming an agent? Was it my past experience overseeing the execution of national and international events? Wait, I know, maybe it was my previous internship with Major League Soccer, and that I actually got my "start" in professional sports at the age of 15 when I volunteered at a minor league ballpark in my hometown. And given all that, I chose to apply with the Padres, at least 30 times since moving to San Diego. Persevering through countless anonymous email rejections, I continued to submit my resume despite never even being granted the courtesy of a face-to-face interview. All for the joy of making $30K a year. Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm not the best fit for your company. But here's a nice fit, my foot in your ass.
All the best,
"Taylor's letter was too incredible for anyone to get offended," says a member of the Padres sales team who didn't want their name used. "I'm more impressed than angry."
You know how these things work. Someone in the office forwarded it to a colleague. That colleague forwarded it to a few of their colleagues. Four days later, Meyer's letter has been shared in sales offices across pro sports, with each forwarder adding their two cents.
"This should be a tutorial on how NOT to network," warned one NFL employee. "She has clearly ruined chances with most professional sports teams at this point."
"Our top guy has been talking for 5 minutes straight how he wants to hire her," joked one person with an AFL team. "I am going to shoot her an email. I love when people shake shit up."
"One of the all time hall of fame moves," wrote an employee in an AHL office. "I told Gordo to hire her tomorrow."
Just looking at the forwards on the chain that eventually made it to us, Meyer's letter has been seen by, in order: the Cavaliers, the Lake Erie Monsters, the Diamondbacks, the Yankees, the Astros, the Bobcats, the Heat, the Houston Dynamo, the Marlins, the Dolphins, the Red Sox, the Cubs, the Mets, FC Dallas, the Nationals, the Orioles, the Falcons, the Vikings, the Bengals, the Cleveland Gladiators, the Dayton Dragons, and the Chiefs.
Meyer has heard from a number of folks who have read her letter, and their responses shake out one of two ways.
"People either think I'm an idiot who is finished in pro sports," she says, "but really, I never even had a chance to get started. Or they take it how it was meant to be read, as a fed-up letter by an overqualified applicant who is exhausted from applying to jobs and constantly being rejected."
Meyer, 31, says she has been out of work for 10 months, and dropped out of law school in July because the loans simply weren't enough to live on. She's been sleeping on a friend's couch since then, and applied to fast food restaurants and chain stores, only to be told she's overqualified. (Perhaps her BA in psychology, from the University of South Florida, doesn't help, though she claims she's an internship shy of a master's degree in sport and leisure commerce.) The Padres' invitation to the job fair was just the last straw.
She's amazed at the responses she's received from around the sports world, all from one angry, possibly ill-advised email.
"A few years ago I wrote a children's book to raise money for pediatric cancer," Meyer says. (That book is available at her website.) "I partnered with the American Cancer Society for a fundraiser and no one gave me the time of day. It took me one year to finish and about $1000 out-of-pocket in addition to all the time. Then a few days ago, I wake up, check my email, draft a response in 15 minutes and it goes national. Kind of sad actually."
Meyer knows she's burned her bridges with the Padres, and possibly screwed her chances elsewhere, depending on how they take her letter. But while she acknowledges she was "being an asshole," she doesn't regret sending it. And perhaps, on balance, it wasn't the worst move in the world. Meyer has already received one note from a sales office, asking her if she'd like to come in for an interview.