I was initially drawn towards staying there due to a hotel coupon (Roomsaver.com) we had for $44.99 walk-in rate compared to the regular $100 per night they usually charge here... And, after driving 12 hours on the road and being cheap as fuck, it seemed “good enough” to lay our heads there for the night….
Well, what an absolute fucking shithole of a dive to the first degree this turns out to be!!!! Talk about your fucking fleabag semen-infested roach motels!! Yet those fucking ads and pictures on the Internet sure look pretty sweet.... A 4-checksmarks "Best of the Best" rating on their own website and a 3-1/2 star rating on Tripadvisor with over 50 reviews. I certainly pity those poor fuckers that ever had to pay full price for this sorry exhibition of a hotel....
http://www.bestvalueinneugene.com/
Upon checking in, the front clerk starts yelling at me in his broken English at the top of his lungs,
"If you break anything or you smoke, I will find you and then I kill you, then I charge your credit card!!! I mean it! You better not smoke!! I will charge you!! And don't you fuck with anything!!! You better not be smoking in there" he says in his best Russell Peters 'Indian' impersonation while waving his finger at me....
And he was a white guy to boot.
(Actually no, he wasn't; he was of Indian descent but I don't want any of you fuckfaces thinking I'm some kind of degenerate bigot or something and his country of origin has anything to do with how fucking shitty this hotel is...
"OK OK Holy fuck dude, we don't smoke.." I replied.
"You better not be smoking... I will charge you!!"
Sure enough upon opening the door of the suite, it reeked of cigarette smoke with a hint of rotten ass... How novel is that??
We did happen to find the bathroom which was cutely tucked inside the fucking closet and only found it upon trying to figure out what all that noise was, as it sounded like all the faucets were running on full retard open.
I do believe I have just found the cheapest bar of hotel soap known to mankind. And I am contemplating on stealing the hotel towels as they seem to be the perfect grit I need to sand the paint off my deck when I get home...
So, refusing to take a shower this morning as I am afraid to add to the layers of rust on the bottom of the bathtub as it may fall through the floor and I have heard it is not such a good idea to disturb the mould, I am lying here snuggled up in the permanent "Homer Simpson indentation" in the bed furiously tapping this update on my iPhone screen with my middle finger; watching my $AAPL shares get a bid this morning on stock split rumours whilst I await everyone else to wake the fuck up from their peaceful slumber...
I am questioning if we should dare see what the complimentary breakfast looks like...
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