First off , I'd like to thank our gracious and generous hosts, the fine folk at Weekend Sherpa, for taking me and my family in this past weekend, and letting my kids scream at the top of their lungs inside their home, run amok and bounce off their walls like coke-addled baby monkeys whilst tormenting their poor pets to the highest levels of medieval forms of torture.
So if you decide you want to get away from your turret for a while and you are the traveller that prefers hiking and camping in "the Great Outdoors", favouring nature with all its trees and shit, rather than drinking your face off in some 3rd World country with small children dressed in old newspapers rolling cigars for you, I highly recommend you check out their website for some great "outdoorsy"-type ideas and adventures in Northern and Southern California.
In the morning, we took a tour of the famous Sonoma Wine Valley, aiming to enjoy some of the superfluities of society's Upper Crust and rub elbows with the ultra-riche via partaking in some wine tasting at the Francis Ford Coppola winery near Healdsburg; a place where I've heard 3-star Michelin meals are the norm and a dinner-for-four serving wine from local vineyards could easily blow up an average person's bank account in a matter of seconds.
We tried calling the winery several times in case the pool was too busy but nobody bothered to answer the phones; perhaps that's how the "Rich and Famous" do it. Fuck phones. Phones are for suckers and penniless vagrants with holes in their sneakers.
Upon arriving, the Valet in the parking lot immediately informed us that we had no reservations there and we were obviously mere plebs of the lowest order and all loungers and cabines by the pool were "sold out" today or reserved for other guests. But, we could take our chances and put our names in queue at Customer Relations. "Okay, we're already here, so we'll check the place out.."
When we entered the premises, the pool area was in clear eye's view and it did seem to have plenty of empty seats available and no more than 4 people were in the pool at any one time; so we decided to stay awhile and sat down near the pool...
Big mistake.
"All lounger chairs and cabines are reserved and already paid for by other, more important and richer guests; the vagrant seating is over there by the bar, please kindly fuck off", we were told by the snooty pool boy donning the Cap'n Stubing attire that came running over like he was airport security or something...
"Seriously? There must be at least a 100 seats available and its past noon already..."
"Sorry Fuckhead, that's how we roll here.."
"Okay Fine." So we sat by the bar...
What did catch my attention there, was one lady, of extreme wealth I presumed, as it was obvious SHE had one of the "reserved" $125 a-pop lounge chairs by the pool; she had 3 of her kids, probably ages 2-9 as they were bigger than my kids in height, sitting in one of those baby playpens, and would yell at them every few minutes or so to "shut the fuck up and sit down", every time one of the two eldest ones stood up (the top of the pen was below their waists!!) and tried to make a hasty escape.
She sat there basking in the sun; chatting up tales of shopping grandeur with her cronies as other rich people and innocent bystanders walked by, mentioning "how absolutely adorable" that was having her kids caged up like fucking dogs...
Being the psychopath that I am, I managed to snap the above picture of the ordeal whilst pretending to entertain my kids.
Maybe it's just me, as I am just a poor degenerate with a burlap hoodie and not particularly 'hip' on the latest and greatest in parenting trends; nor do I keep up with "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous", but something seemed very "wrong' with this scenario...
Next stop: The Sonoma County Fair in Santa Rosa only 10 minutes away from the Coppola winery... my first "county fair" in fact.
No Michelin ratings here; it was redneck and hillbilly heaven; stale corn dogs, dill pickles, and large vats of carbonated sugar water are the norm around here; egg laying contests, beauty competitions for goats and sheep; kids clad in denim overalls running amok, bare-foot thru goat shit and pig swill, to play with live bees and climb on the dairy cows, while their parents chatted up adventures in tractor racing by Port-a-potties waiting to be emptied. Livestock breeders and fat-faced farmhands lay fast asleep, sweating it up with mouth agape, drooling in the hot Sonoma valley sun, atop hay bales and dirty lawn chairs while their goats and sheep and donkeys seemed to live better than they did, were dressed to the nines, clad with shiny ribbons and shit, living it up, eating and drinking their faces off in air-conditioned stalls.
It was like I was standing smack dab in the fucking middle of the set of one of those stereotypical 'gay pig' movies of "Babe" or "Charlotte's Web" fame...
Talk about visiting both ends of the socio-economic spectrum in ONE day... Not in my entire life have I ever felt so... "middle-class"...
It crossed my mind that I may actually be in the fucking Twilight Zone! But I quickly came to the realization, No, it can't be, it was the weekend and stock markets are closed.
$AAPL has a bid this morning and is celebrating life again, yet looks to be fading fast...
Good Morning $$
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