In awe. Shellshocked. Flabbergasted. Stunned. Agog. Appalled. Blown the fuck away.
Just came back from our eldest kid's first hockey practice and team parents' meeting. And running through all of the above mentioned emotions...
A former coach of our kid, Jayden, once told us that he probably wouldn't get a fair shake in evaluations until the PeeWee level because of his size and the fact he was a defenseman...
Never in a million years did I ever expect he would move UP from playing not bad, certainly not his best, evaluation scrimmages, to play in the group with a bunch of kids that got cut from the Rep team and most played tier 2 last year...
The kids at this level are bigger, faster, meaner, much more aggressive, and have no qualms about bashing their buddy's head into the boards... There were kids getting concussions in the evaluation games! Nice. Big difference from where our kid played last year...
The parents are not as loud as them vagabonds in the Novice and Atom levels but much more fucking cliquier...
While we are elated our kid placed on the highest tiered team he has ever landed in all the years he has played hockey, in his first year of Pee Wee, we're not so pleased we seemed to also have landed on the "money is no object when it comes to MY kid's hockey" team...
So with the extra ice time the coach ALREADY BOOKED FOR THE FUCKING YEAR, Jayden will be on the ice 6-7 times per week MINIMUM... Holee Crap! And the team wants to do 4 tournaments with a couple out of town tourneys this season; not necessarily in Phoenix, but at least one tourney where the kids get to stay in a hotel... And the team coaches has suggested they want to hire a fitness trainer/ nutrition consultant to aid in the kids' diet and training regimen... Operating budget goal for this season: $20,000.
Fuck me running sideways with a Zamboni up my ass, I haven't even been to Phoenix yet!
So what they're telling me is we can't find ANY teams to play hockey against in Western Canada?? You know, I think it's wonderful alot of you fuckers can go full retard to the upside in spoiling your child, but there are some of us that have more than one child in hockey as well. In fact, my other son's Atom team's total budget for the season is $3600.00 with an initial cash call of $150.00; and that'll include some additional ice times, at least one tournament, and a year end party for the team.
OK OK fine..., the money is one thing. Quit being such a fucking piker, Heisenberg. It's for your kid for fuck's sake! You got the cash. Fine. At a higher level of hockey, they need the ice time to groom them to get better and faster; I get that.
But for the love of straight men on Pinterest looking at home furnishings, where the fuck do you dicksuckers FIND THE TIME???
Doesn't anyone have a fucking real job?? Is EVERYONE self-employed and makes their OWN hours?? I guess all this is also a "write-off" too; which means pretty much "free" in Alberta for some reason. So, WHEN the fuck do they fit in homework?? And supper for that matter???
Maybe it's just me but I could swear these kids are ages 11-12, and still not vying for spots to replace locked-out NHLers..
Fuck hiring a nutritionist, I'll vouch for a paid psychiatrist for all the psycho-hockey parents around these parts... it's gonna be a looong winter... I guess things could be worse.. I could be bitching about my kids getting pounded by guards at the Foxconn factory for rioting, but luckily they were born here in Canada; and for that we've got to put up with "hockey parents"...
AAPL is punching me in the fucking face this morning... over selling ONLY 5 million iPhone 5's in 3 fucking days in the US alone and all the bullshit at Foxconn... Still hanging on long as fuck despite the Costanza-esque selloff...
Good Morning.
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