Back at the gym after 2 weeks of slothing it up like a big fat degenerate tub of shit...
I've been feeling like crap lately and the way my bowels have been telling me for the last couple of days now, the toxic waste has to go and it's about time I got my duff off the fucking couch...last day of holidays today and back to fucking work tomorrow; so it's best I start the week off with the regular routine of hitting the gym...
Considering my diet consisted of "Costco-sized" ice cream bars dipped in chocolate and almonds at a whopping 1000 calories and 65 grams of net carbs a pop, drive-thru-window fare "supersized" for my viewing pleasure at every major player in the fast food game, and Walmart or Target (and most times both) branded potato chips whilst lazing in the sand like a beached fucking whale waiting to be violently slaughtered by gay famished Eskimos with African spears in hand, I ONLY gained a total of 5 lbs over the 2 weeks on vacation!!
Well, fuck me running sideways with Knight Capital shares up my ass, I 'm lucky to be alive!! Much to my surprise, I am quite elated my heart didn't suddenly stop or at the least, explode in between my 13 hour driving stints and yelling at the kids every hour on the hour threatening to stop the van so they can get the fuck out and walk home....
Don't get me wrong or anything, I tried to eat better on this trip. I mean those Whole Foods salad bars are to die for; and with all the peer pressure of living the hippie "greener" lifestyle that comes hand in hand with just being present in the SF Bay area, that should've been more than enough incentive to eat better.
Thing was, I was still craving a couple of Carl's Jr $6 Burgers and some Dorito Tacos a whole TEN minutes AFTER I ate my "appetizer" of 2 "Elaine-sized" big salads from Whole Foods!! How in the fuck do those Vegans or vegetarians NOT starve to death???
Fuck, I even brought along a TRX trainer in hopes of burning some of those shitbag calories off and getting a somewhat decent workout in since we all know those hotel gyms are such a fucking joke and you gotta be some kind of asshat to think you can get a good workout with a Suzanne Somers Thighmaster, a 1970's-era Universal machine, and a restaurant chair in a room the size of a bathroom...
I tried the TRX outside once to no success....I usually don't mind spectators when I work out even when these vagrants decide to gawk and stare like I was some fucking sideshow for the Shaolin monk circus was fine... But when they get their kids to line up for autographs and a chance to kick me in the nuts, I knew it was time to pack it up or I'll end up finishing my calorie burn via pushing these fuckers down rapidly moving escalators....
So, I find after abusing my body for 2 weeks, I did notice I am a tad weaker but managed to eke out out 3 plates per side (315lbs) for 5 reps on the bench press and 2 plates and the quarter a side for 10 reps... Not bad for an old fucker like me...
Now if I can survive the rest of the week....
No comments:
Post a Comment