A Letter to My 18 Millionaire Co-workers...

To my 18 coworkers or (ex-coworkers) that won the lottery:

Congrats again.

Now before all you fuckers get all cocky and shit, just because the gorilla gods happen to drop some coin on your laps to roll the dice with, here are some stats that you may want to take a gander at once the party winds down, the puke is cleaned up, the escorts go home, and fucking reality sets back in...

Based on several studies on Powerball, Mega Millions, and Lotto 6/49 winners in the last 10 years, 50%-70% of lottery winners wind up blowing the money within 5 years; the higher the amount won in one lump sum, the greater the chances.  Of that 70%,  HALF will be in serious financial problems or completely broke, worse off than they were before they won the lotto.  So that's 1 in 3 or 6 of you fuckers that will be bankrupt the next time I run into you...  And there is a 90% probability, your grandchildren will never see any of that money by the time they are born...

But not to worry, you're not alone...72% of people who recieve their millions from inheritance go through it in less than 5 years too;  78% of NFL players are divorced, unemployed, or bankrupt up to 2 years after leaving the game; 60% of NBA pros are broke within 3 years of leaving the game...

Feeling lucky? Meet Mr. Dick Guillotine..

No, it's not some fucking curse or conspiracy the government or those dick balls making all them chemtrails have bestowed upon you..  Sure, you've became a huge target for degenerate 2-bit hucksters coming out of the woodwork just to take advantage of you, but this has to do with your fucktarded decision-making.  And the reason why most of you fucking goldbrickers can't hang onto any cash in your bank accounts is because, well, you're a fucking goldbricker.

Winning a bunch of money doesn't build character. It reveals it and magnifies all the good and weak traits the winner lives by.

You see, before that lottery win, you were just a dickless vagabond sitting in a homeless man tent, eating beans and molasses from a tin can.  How much "character" do you really think you have in the first place?? 

So now, just overnight, you think you've become some kind of 'investment guru',  buying up all kinds of dogshit stocks and Chinese burritos, while making outlandish calls on the market and economy like Gordon fucking Gekko, sending your pets to boarding school, and enjoying a unchecked hedonistic and perverse lifestyle of gaudy decadence, while telling everyone else to fuck off. 

Of course you think that.  Everyone else does.

That's why the above stats are the way they are, fuckface.

Take a deep breath and take some advice from someone who's been banking coin the hard way (not necessarily me)... EDUCATION is the best investment you can buy.

With Confidence and Fidelity,


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