I would like to express my gratitude to all those that wished me a "Happy Birthday" this past weekend with a polite 'fuck you very much'.
Please do not take offense to my 4-letter lack of benediction; you see, I'm just not that into birthdays, especially mine... And I stopped years ago acknowledging any well- intended wishes past 12 noon on this day... much like April Fool's Day...
Seriously, what are you really wishing for me here? "Congrats ya old fucker, you're even older now! HAHA!!"
And I'm supposed to celebrate the grandeur of being one year closer to my wheelchair next to an idle manhole with the ill-proportioned consumption of cake and extreme opulent gluttony?? Surely you jest. In all honesty, I think you just want cake and you're all happy I can still chew my own food and haven't shit my pants yet.
It was exactly 4 years ago, on my birthday in 2008, I partied hardy, ranted and raved, laughed and drank, not exactly in that order, but pretty fucking close. I celebrated via dancing on the heads of vagrants, kicking politicians down moving escalators, and mocking old fuckers buying homes they couldn't afford, while talking shit about outsized gains, making a small fortune buying AAPL and Potash stocks; and how I went from basement poor, plebbing along the streets of Wall and Bay, dressed in burlap and velcro to penthouse rich, with cocaine dinner party extravagance while punching random people in the face as I pleased.
Little did I know at the time, this birthday, my birthday, marked the beginning of the end, the worst case scenario had happened, capital losses, spawned from hell, were doled out judiciously, packaged with care, and hand delivered to my front door... AAPL went from $175 to $85 by month's end, POT from $179 to $77... By the official start of the Great Crash of 2008 on October 6th, when the DOW dropped off a cliff, losing 2400 pts in 8 days, I was already dead...
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| Death in pictures... |
"Happy birthday, fucked face", my brokerage firm said to me as they pulled my 'VIP' status and preferred client rates away... "No soup for you".. indeed.
What's my point here?
Answer: Birthdays are for kids, silly rabbit. And suckers. Markets don't give two fucks about them and neither do you.
UPDATE: To make my birthday that much more extra special this year, I have been informed a group of guys of which I work with, have just won $20 million dollars in the lottery. I quit buying weekly lottery tickets with this group a year and a half ago... FML.
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