Time For a Change...

Timestamp this bitches: After EXACTLY 15 months of devouring luncheon meats and throwing back sawdust flavoured protein shakes with psychopathic diligence and surgical precision like a ravenous barbarian, I am officially OFF the 4-Hour Body diet.

Final Stats: net loss 25lbs; max loss 40lbs falling short of intended goal of pre-wedding weight by 10lbs. Bench press: 315lbs for 8 reps; 2-rep max 355lbs. 3700 Followers on Twitter.

I will be endeavoring on the new Arnold-endorsed Carbo Back Loading (CBL) starting today.

From what I understand this diet is NOT for everyone: It was designed for juice monkeys throwing iron around of 70% or more of your max for typically an hour.  So if you are a newb, still using your sister's weights, or a fat-faced yoga troll, or one of those long distance runner types looking for that oh so sexy anemic crack ho with AIDS look, back-loading isn't for you.  And yes, this also includes you laying on your couch eating Doritos Jabba the fucking Hut types too--stick with the $300 a pop B12 shots at Dr. Bernstein's...

  I'm still learning the intricate details of this new fandangled diet but the gist of it is as follows: it is similar to the 4-Hour body, being it another low carb diet, except after the first 10 days, you splurge on a gluttonous "back-loading" diet of glazed donuts and highly glycemic dogshit, and then repeat "back-loading" on workout days and low-carb on days you don't train as you did for the first 10 days...   

Be forewarned, during the start of any new diet, it is advised to keep small children inside as my temper is like a lit stick of dynamite and it has been known that my arms tend to involuntarily punch random people in the fucking face and push unsuspecting bystanders into oncoming traffic.

And if you insist on loitering here, being the perverted voyeur that you are, and were expecting perhaps a friendlier demeanor now, a more humble and calmer experience reading my blogs and Facebook updates, please take this with the utmost sincerity and honesty when I say to you, "fuck right off already."  

Getting to stocks, I picked up 8-ball sized portions of DDD and FIVE at the bell yesterday. I see FIVE, despite beating the Street on its Q2 EPS after the bell yesterday, has my testicles in the vise this morning... But it is offset with glorious gains in DDD and V...  

Good Morning.