A Fine Day Indeed...

US Open, NBA Finals, Portugal - Netherlands; Germany-Denmark at the Eurocup... this is a fine day indeed.

I eagerly await the Greek elections with animalistic violence. Those olive-eating goat fuckers are about to fuck themselves hard, one way or another. If they vote for one party, everybody loses. And if they vote for the other party, everybody loses. What a splendid election. Very reminiscent of Alberta elections except nobody shows up to vote here in Alberta...

Does anyone else find it a tad hedonistic of all these reporters and media showing up in Greece gluttonously awaiting the collapse of the modern financial world as we know it???

Nobody really gives two fucks and a retarded monkey, do they?

46 million people in the US alone on food stamps and starving in the streets and Greece ready to fall off the map and we're more concerned about if our 10-year-olds actually need that iPhone or if they would be better off with an Android phone...

Don't get me wrong, I mean hey, I too often take for granted how fortunate I am as I rant and bitch about Wall Street shit and how fucked up things are around here these days... But I am for certain, in 1933, people had REAL things to bitch about. So let's not lose sight of the fucking ball people... Life is a miracle and the stock market is there to fuck things up.

Happy Dad's Day to all the "real daddies" out there.

”Nobody appreciates Daddy....I’m talking about the real daddy that handles the fucking business. Nobody ever says, ‘Hey, Daddy, thanks for knocking out this rent!’ ‘Hey, Daddy, I sure love this hot water!’ ‘Hey, Daddy, it’s easy to read with all this light!” -Chris Rock.

Bring On The Crash Fuckers!!

Futures indicating markets to go on a cocaine-induced ejaculation rally this morning on news of the Spanish banks bailout.

Did I not mention what a bunch of crack pipe-smoking whores addicted to the whimsical caprices of the central bankers modern society has become?
Every $1 dollar uptick in crude per barrel is worth at least another $100K in home value for Albertans. 

"Bring on the crash!! Let Europe fail. That is way over there and we're here!" The exact words spoken by some dude from Calgary in which I had an interesting conversation with over the internets on the economy, high finance, and the state of housing.

To him and a great many of you, all markets are the direct result of forces of supply and demand and Canadians are smarter, wiser, more cultured and generally just nicer than anyone else in the entire fucking world.

It is an undeniable fact that "we are different here"; And, we are morally and financially entitled to an endless uptick in real estate, now and forever.

Real estate, rightfully so, should be still the talk of the town here and lining up for million dollar pre-build condos is entirely justified because there is only so much land here in Alberta (as compared to??) and doesn't everybody on the planet want to own pot lights and granite countertops in Edmonton?? You see, only our fucktarded redneck American neighbors to the south and lazy feta-eating goat fuckers in Greece and drunk Spaniards are stupid enough to borrow money they can't possibly repay and move into houses they hadn’t earned and borrow against their home equity to buy new SUVs and flat screen TVs.

There are no bears in RE. Only those who already bought because of their uncanny genius and impeccable timing to predict the oncoming never ending oil boom; and those on the sidelines with fistfuls of cash who want prices to crater just enough so they can get in on the Kool-Aid euphoria.

People like me touting the "impossible" housing correction are frowned upon as "nabobs of negativity", and the blasphemous words I speak are because of the jealousy that flows through my veins for not getting "in on the action" in time and missing out on the housing boom via sitting on my puny crack shack in the middle of the Hood.

Stocks and shit are for degenerate riverboat gamblers and if I choose to put my dick into market guillotines on a daily basis, that is MY own fault; don't blame my financial woes on the housing industry!

True that. I made my own bed and I plan to fucking jerk off in it or die in it. 


I just choose not to have my entire net worth in a depreciating illiquid asset and happen to respect the fact that because Central Banks are printing counterfeit money and throwing chuckwagon loads of cocaine into rapidly spinning ceiling fans are the very reason I am not already loitering about the WEM food court in a burlap hoodie with holes in it asking all of you real estate gurus for a couple of bucks to buy a cup of soup.

Enjoy the blow while it lasts. Greece matters as does Spain and Italy despite Alberta home prices. And I'm not talking soccer. 

The Mind of a 5 Year-old, Cherish it.

Being educated tonight by the 5 year old while he is tapping furiously on his iPod Touch, massacring zombies and shit:

Tristan: " I don't remember Evan (his older brother) as a baby because I was in Mom's belly and I couldn't see..."

Me: Oh really. How'd you get in mom's belly?? Did she eat you like a hamburger?"

T: "NO!! You're just silly dad... "

"Mom's heart made me in her belly... in humans, the moms take care of the baby... For penguins the dads carry the baby.."

Me: "Soo.. do penguin Daddy hearts make baby penguins then?"

T: "NO!!... penguins don't have hearts, they just have bones.."



The brilliant mind of a 5 year old... cherish it. He turns 6 tomorrow... Happy Birthday Tristan!



Happy birthday Tristan.

Only In Alberta...

Only in Alberta that ONE political party can be given a majority government for the 12th consecutive time and call it "change"... 

What is amusing is the overwhelming sigh of relief over the internets that everyone is glad the outcome of the greatest catfight since Neve and Denise is a PC majority as the usual Liberals cast their votes towards the side of Allison Redford. 

I guess Alberta just isn't ready for an "all gays and artists must die and burn in eternal hell" party yet by electing the lessor? of two evils... It just comes to show you, strategic voting works when only half the voters show up; and Albertans would rather take it up the ass before being labeled a "bigot that takes it up the ass"...

Well don't start procuring fine wine and beluga caviar just yet peeps; keep in mind these are the same dicksucking goatfuckers that fucked shit up in the first place...

Two-tiered healthcare and education cuts are still in the imminent future for Albertans; it just won't be as overtly explicit as the PC's traditional use of lies and smokescreens are more to our liking. Oh and please feel free to enjoy your heating and power bills in the meantime…

Personally, I was hoping for a PC minority but it is what it is... And for now I can honestly say I'm absolutely fucking elated the phone calls will finally stop...

Futs moderately green but expecting more carnage under the hood; today it's all about $AAPL

Happy Earth Day. Fuck You.

Happy Earth Day. 

Now what kind of nanny state clown fucking hippy dreamt up this stupid holiday, to remind us all to be nice to Earth and shit?? 

Oh wait, I suppose you BELIEVE we should all invest morally too; we should all vote ethically like we have some sort of panoramic democracy, and throw flowers at each other while we sing kumba yah in bare feet and burlap dresses, in celebration of our free healthcare and vast oil & timber supplies....

Well.. I happen to live in the real world--in the ghetto of Alberta, we take naps and drive big SUVs; we profit from selling ALL our natural resources to our neighbors, then bitch and shit on them for buying so much of it; we buy cheap shit from China, then shit on them for making them so cheap; we eat fatty burgers then shit on McDonald's for making us fat; and we pay premium dinero to live in big ass mansions on tiny lots so we can flaunt to the Joneses the extra rider fees and delivery charges to heat all that empty space that we don't need.

I work in a fucking refinery that stinks of cancer, and I am going in today to make sure it continues to stink of cancer...

Fuck Earth Day.

So, to celebrate this momentous occasion, I am driving to work doing 180 down residential roads, tapping this drivel on my iPhone while throwing plastic milk jugs and aerosol cans out the window... and I would do so even if it weren't Earth Day... just to let you know personally "Fuck You"

It is Sunday you know and markets are closed. I would be checking my portfolio but that's fucked too.

Oh Boy! Danni-Dollars!!

Natural gas and coal continue to get clown raped and will be obsolete soon. It's not like anyone needs those kind of dirty old man fuels for anything important like simple creature comforts such as heat or electricity anymore... 

In Alberta, we're all more than happy to pay peak rates that only consist of: Administration fees, Transaction fees, Delivery charges, ATCO Fixed charges, ATCO Variable charges, Transmission Service Chg Riders, Weather Adjustment Rider, and Shortfall Rider fees...

My last monthly natty bill: $145.00; $45.00 for gas (at $2.00 per GJ (market price=$1.90 per million BTUs; 1 BTU= 1.05 GJ)); $100 just for fees and charges...

Thing is, Albertans LOVE this shit with animalistic violence and are we are willing to vote for anyone that will make our healthcare system the same way. AWESOME! That $300 in Danni-Dollars will certainly come in handy now, no?

So long as our home values go up and the banks haven't cancelled our credit cards, do we really give a flying fuck??

Futures green from great earnings calls from $GE $HON and $MCD..

I, for one, am pleased all you fucking vagrants are still satisfying your daily nutritional requirements with McDonald's fine cuisine. 

Look Here Fuckface..

Let's get a few things straight shall we?

The whole lot of you pole-smokers figure because I am against the Wildrose Party and the PCs, I am some kind of 'lefty Marxist' crusader on a white steed that is here to stand up against the ills of capitalism.. It's always the same here in Alberta; if you're not conservative, you're a fucking socialist... Well.. Hardly.

Yes, I do feel WRP leader Danielle Smith and the PCs' Allison Redford to be exactly akin to a couple of junior high school girls, the cheerleader constantly working the camera versus the tomboy trying to shed boyish jock image; both bickering, spitting on each other's person; willing to put anything in their mouths, verbally and physically, to sway your opinion and vote to be prom queen. I personally really don't think I can handle 5 years of constant catfighting and bullshit popularity contests is the main reason for my objections to their leadership.

And, despite their outrageous proposals to tax the fuck out of everybody, I do find the best spoken political leader to be NDP's Brian Mason and Grit leader Dr. Raj Sherman, despite his Mr. Roboto demeanor, to be the only one with a real plan that may work; and the only one that truly knows and will admit, it takes money to make money...

But like all politicians, irregardless of party and ideology, and how altruistic or good their intentions before they are elected, like our US counterparts to evil bankers and Wall Street magicians, must cede their will to the arcane whims and caprices of Big Oil in Alberta...

I can tell you without hesitation that, once elected, all politicians become greedy dicksucking goat fuckers, the very worst society has to offer, aside from lawyers and insurance agents. They attach themselves onto good men of industry, like leeches, trying to suck them monetarily for all they have and their sole purpose in life is to get their piece of the pie without the slightest regard for the great pains the average Joe has undergone to feed his family and accumulate any wealth he has...

It is not my intention to tell you fuckers not to vote or which way to vote; I am merely a pipefitter who trades stocks, whose sole purpose is to amass vast fortunes and push senior citizens down escalators at the WEM... And while my updates on FB or this fucking blog are for my own entertainment especially when I get to punch critics in the groin with hockey sticks; AND to save my wife the agony of listening to me bitch about stocks and politics while she is trying to watch "Grey's Anatomy", I do only wish to open your minds just a wee bit so that you vagrants can at least ignore the high pressure "sales-type" tactics or noise you hear on Global news or read in the Edmonton Sun and think for yourselves and formulate your own decisions...

It is your RIGHT to show up at the polls BUT, just because your home went up in value because some RE blogger site said so, doesn't necessarily mean two-tiered healthcare is meant for you or your caste.... think about it.

Markets looking to bounce off its worst week in 2012..

OYE! AB Leaders Debate Tonite!

Oye.. Alberta leaders debate tonite... 

I would probably find it easier on my mood and sanity to simply crush my skull between the hot iron plates of a panini machine and cut my dick off with a blunt hacksaw while waiting in line overnight to pay $100K over ask on a pre-build condo in the Greater Toronto area than tolerate the arcane caprices of these candidates pander to the most basic animal impulses of the vagrant Albertan electorate, most of which will not even show up to the polls...

Yet, why do I find it so hard to turn my attention away from the greatest cat-fight since Neve went at it with Denise in "Wild Things"??

Being a stock trader, my morals equate to that of a 7-11 store clerk profiteering from the sale of pornography and cigarettes to 12-year old boys; I really should close both eyes and be LESS critical of the campaign platforms of these asshats-- their promises are trying to appease people like me...aren't we ALL part of the top 2% income earners in Canada and have membership in the ruling elite?? Please feel free to ADD peak home value and extra room on your credit lines to your household income when calculating this... Yeah.

The AB 2012 Election. Getting Better Acquainted here..

Yesterday I got better acquainted with the campaign platforms for the upcoming Alberta Provincial election; merely to keep up with daily converse among my peers and to serve as a distraction from all the doomsday CNBC-type propaganda so I don't make any fucktarded decisions to blow my arms off or fuck myself from my unalienable right to succeed and live a pomp and hedonistic lifestyle off the backs of the less fortunate and arcane spending habits of the self-proclaimed rich...

But the more I delved into the realm of political degeneracy, the more I was reminded as to why I do not like to partake in the regular converse of politics anymore: all the candidates are asshats regardless of ideology or political party--professional hucksters that will say anything to fleece you of your precious vote and coin; and Alberta voters are a bunch of self-serving gluttonous vagrants embodied with a sense of entitlement of that of a spoiled rich kid driving 200mph around the city in daddy's Porsche flaunting his extraordinary wealth via $10,000 Louis Vuitton man-purses bought with mommy's credit card...

My temper is a lit stick of dynamite duct-taped to a Saddam-era Scud missile and I do not have the time nor the emotional disposition nor the inclination to engage in water cooler chitchat about the elitist "we're here for Alberta families- rich Alberta families"- type of promises from the Wildrose; or the "yeah we'll win just because..." ignorant stupidity of the PCs; or how virtuous taxing the fuck out of everybody and anybody the NDP and Libs make it sound. You see, unlike a great many of you here who like to divulge in relations with the mentally-ill, I am trying to make money.

Thing is, I would much rather push old people hog-tied to skateboards into open manholes than waste my time talking politics. So long as home prices knife higher and Big Oil runs the joint, what does it really matter which asshat gets voted in???

Futs have cocaine courtesy of printing presses of the Bank of Japan this morning. Let's get this straight shall we? Nobody is allowed to fail, everybody gets a bailout. Spain is next. 

Everyone is Rich and a Fucking Genius Again...

When markets melt up and governments are printing cocaine and pouring counterfeit money into the economy, it's pretty easy to be optimistic and why not? Everyone is rich and a fucking genius... 

Over the weekend I was told just how easy it was... things are well on their way UP and another economic boom is imminent in Alberta: homes are selling out and the bidding wars will continue, retail sales is up, auto sales are throught the roof, TV advertising sales hitting record highs, and job shortages abound.... Oh, and if you're trading stocks, it is also assumed since the economy is so good, you must be a total fucktard if you can't turn $5000 into millions overnight— everyone else is doing it. The only thing that bothers me is if things are so damn great, explain why is everyone also gung ho on changing out our government??

Well peeps..considering everyone is an expert on the economy, does it really matter who's in charge? And who needs fucking jobs?? Jobs are for asshats coming over from the Eurozone and 3rd world countries...and they are coming here with all sorts of money and buying up everything in sight. It's different here. Is it not obvious everyone should just buy new houses and big cars?? They only go up from here.. and the bigger the better; size and number of options is what matters... And those of us into stocks and shit, can continue to pull retarded rabbits out of our magic hats... that's how good it is...

Futs continue to bleed out this morn... the Stocktwits stream is 99% bearish and expecting a triple digit gap down open— suddenly it's deja vu 2010 and 2011... the Euro and the awful US data is a factor again.. Time to separate the boyss from the men with their big cocks in market guilotines aka dickchoppers.